It’s confirmed: iCarly and Sam & Cat graduate Jennette McCurdy’s Simon & Schuster-published memoir, I’m Glad My Mom Died, lives up to the hype. Armed with her charming brand of wit and humor, McCurdy takes us through her contentious, codependent relationship with her mother, Debra McCurdy, and eventually her journey of self-discovery and recovery following her mother’s death.
The book is split into sections titled “Before” and “After,” showcasing the nonlinear process of healing in a thoroughly authentic way. It describes McCurdy’s pitfalls, achievements, and everything in between as she works to heal from grief, her mother’s narcissistic abuse, and the multiple eating disorders that plagued her for decades. McCurdy’s unique wit and use of metaphor to convey her messages make this book one of the best on the market right now—a must-read.
One of the motifs that really stands out throughout the book is that of McCurdy’s house. Through it, she conveys the difficulty of overcoming her mother’s extreme conditioning, enforced helplessness, and codependence. A central struggle in the latter half of the book is McCurdy’s inability to repair her house, which, although “good on the surface,” is “falling apart underneath.”
Through this metaphor, McCurdy reveals just how broken she is inside. Her narcissistic mother’s death destroys the foundation upon which she built her entire sense of self. Much like the house, McCurdy appears “skinny and pretty” on the outside, but her body and mind are in turmoil. Years of bulimia and her mother’s conditioning have utterly destroyed her.
A house is supposed to be a beautiful place to make a home, but McCurdy’s lack of a safe and healthy home as a child has hindered her ability to develop one now. She doesn’t even know what a true home looks like. Her dependence on her mother continues long after Debra’s death, as McCurdy is still functioning on the mechanisms and learned behaviors her mother taught her—whether it’s bulimia or the “team player” attitude that prevented her from standing up for herself as a child. Until McCurdy can develop a sense of self outside her mother and heal from her childhood trauma and narcissistic upbringing, her house will continue to fall apart.
Throughout the memoir, she grapples with immense guilt about selling her house, admitting, “Everybody says a home is a good investment,” even though it isn’t the right option for her. This reflects her continued dependence on others, as she holds on to dead weight that neither functions properly nor makes her happy. McCurdy feels a need to satisfy those around her—a remnant of the people-pleasing tendencies her mother instilled in her during childhood.
Even though the unhealthy coping mechanisms her mother taught her actively harm her and destroy her internal house, McCurdy doesn’t know what else to do. These mechanisms are so ingrained in her that she struggles to function without them.
By the end of the memoir, however, McCurdy sells her house, symbolizing the end of her contentious journey and the possibility of growth. So, Jennette, I’m glad you’re finally healing and moving on—even if it took your mother dying to get here. I guess you could say I’m glad your mom died, too.