This is the last week of my freshman year of college. My classes are over, final exams taken, projects completed. I know I should be packing as I sit in my dorm, but I can’t bring myself to. I don’t want to face what it will be like without my room decorations, fun clothes, and other non-essentials packed away in boxes. Instead, I sit here and think about who I was when I got here and who I am now.Â
When I came here in the fall, I was timid but excited. I remember sitting in my dorm with my roommate after my parents left. All of my clothes were put away, and I didn’t know it yet, but I was just in the first of many iterations of the room. It didn’t yet feel like home. As I lay there on my bed, doing nothing but thinking, I pictured my parents on their drive back to my hometown. I could imagine my mom crying, my dad holding her hand as tears fell out of his eyes despite his best efforts. I would fear for their lives as they drove home, their eyes covered by a curtain of tears, only feeling better once they texted that they arrived back home.
I wanted to leave. Everything felt so unknown; I had no idea where everything on campus was, not even where my classes were going to start in the next couple of days.
And yet, I was so optimistic about what was to come.
That night, at Gone to Texas, I sat alone, surrounded by people. It seemed that everyone already knew each other so well. That should have disheartened me. It certainly would have if I had been at home, in high school. Instead, as I sat there and watched burnt orange fireworks go off at the end of the event, I was filled with hope. There I was, nobody, a nameless face, as was everyone else.Â
At that time in my life, I clung close to high school friends. I’m so glad I stayed close to them, and we still make an effort to meet every once in a while, but my time in college improved significantly once I started talking to new people. There are going to be friendships that don’t work out. You are going to meet people with whom you don’t click. All of that is natural and inevitable!
I started taking the bus around Austin. I found that it made being in a new city more digestible. Eventually, everywhere I went started connecting, and I gained a better perspective of my new city. You can make it a goal to go somewhere new once a week, on the weekend. Doing this helped me place myself on the map of Austin that I have been curating in my head since arriving here in the fall.Â
Going back to my hometown is different now. I used to hate where I grew up; I spent my time fantasizing about what it would be like to move far away from there. Now, having gone back for breaks, it is so sentimental. I enjoy the mundane things that used to be chores, and I appreciate having access to things like a table, for one thing.
What I want you to take away from this is that it will be ok. You are going to come out the other side. There will be high highs, and lows that will make you feel like you’ll never recover. But know that you will! Now go and enjoy your first year.Â