Self-love is really the best and most important love. A lot of people don’t realize the power that comes with loving yourself. I have always heard the cliché phrases such as “You can’t love somebody else if you don’t love yourself first.” I never cared to take these sayings seriously or acknowledge their power. Recently, I was forced to realize that I absolutely need to start working on achieving and practicing self-love, as the lack of it began to really tear me apart. It really is the secret to becoming the best version of yourself.
- Not being able to fall asleep at night as I thought about my past mistakes
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I found myself lying wide awake for hours at night thinking the most negative things about myself. From my most embarrassing moments, to how I’ve hurt people in the past, to my biggest regrets, to feeling very unaccomplished and unfit for pursuing my future goals.
The most important lesson that I’ve learned from this, is that you HAVE to learn to forgive yourself. Mistakes make us human and we make valuable use of them when we learn from them. You have to remind yourself that your mistakes do not define you, but only help make you stronger as you move forward with life and face more challenges. Stop regretting the past and always look forward, not backwards. Accept that those mistakes have happened, make peace with them, and tell yourself that it is okay.
- Comparing myself to others
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I experienced this with both beauty and career related aspects. Either I stopped doing my face masks and dressing up or I would dress up and still not feel confident. There was never a win situation. I would constantly think about how I wish I was prettier or dressed better. With career aspects, I was constantly disappointed in myself. “I don’t have a job. My grades and major aren’t the best. How am I going to get into law school? There are so many more successful applicants. I’m screwed.”
If you don’t realize your worth, no one else will be able to see it. Acknowledge your unique traits and strengths and be proud of them. There is not just one type of beautiful or successful person out there. Don’t aim to be anything but yourself. I started owning who I was and being proud of myself and instantly, I became more attractive to myself. Self-love also leads to confidence which is a commonly attractive trait to others as well.
- Procrastinating and losing my motivation
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With all of these negative feelings about myself, I stopped seeing a point in trying. It got to the point that I would feel physically weak. I kept putting off working on my resume and applying to jobs or keeping up with my schoolwork. I would procrastinate self-care activities such as taking care of my skin and hair. I felt unimportant and helpless.
You have to remember that you are far from that. You are so important, and you have so much potential. Make a daily routine for yourself starting with waking up early and making a healthy breakfast. Leave time in your schedule for working out or going for a run. Leave time for working on your self-care activities. I found myself to be incredibly happier the days that I took care of myself and put effort in my appearance. Remember, you are just as capable as anyone else out there. It is only up to you to make it happen.
- Believing all the negative comments or jokes about me and taking them too seriously
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Everything upsetting that was either said to me or about me from others felt like a jab in the heart. The worst part was that I began to believe them. From directly calling me names to playful insulting comments, I took every little comment to heart. I started to think, “I wish I was a better person.”
I was incapable to take criticism when I didn’t love myself. Eventually, I learned that if I believed in myself and saw myself in a positive light, those words would not be able to bring me down as much. Why does it matter what others think about you when you know who you are the best? You are not made to be everything to everyone and that is okay. There is not a single person that everyone in this world likes. Take the criticism as a way to possibly better yourself, but never let it tear you down. As long as you practice self-love, you will have endless happiness.
- Being shocked when receiving compliments
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When I got compliments, I realized I did not even know how to react or respond to them. I was so shocked. I clearly did not think these positive things about myself. That is very alarming and a huge red flag when it comes to practicing self-love.
Appreciate those compliments and do not be surprised or disbelieving when you receive them. Once again, acknowledge your strengths and be proud of them. Acknowledge your weaknesses and be okay with them. That only leaves room for improvement and achieving new things.
…And I finally realized when I was lacking self-love when every little thing brought me down and in tears. Self-love has a tremendous impact on your mental health. This is just another reason that everyone needs to practice and take self-love seriously.
Also, never shy away from discussing these things with your closest friends. They know you the best and you have established a genuine trust with them. When they tell you your worth and what they think, it can really open your eyes as it did for me.