It’s been a long journey, to say the least.
I think every curly-haired person can agree with me when I say that curly hair is hard to manage. Shaping, coiling, diffusing, gelling… it can be an arm workout! And don’t even get me started on maintaining it.
But as I’ve learned over the years, it’s definitely a labor of love. And that this labor is worth it.
Before you love others, love yourself
For me I was surrounded by a lot of people with straight or even wavy hair at most. So, naturally, I tried to fit in. I fried my hair for years on end. And it didn’t help that I had the worst heat protectant known to man. But I found a slight comfort knowing that I looked as “clean” and “smooth” as my friends. These beauty standards plagued my mind, always wanting to fit in, thinking “straight hair” would help me be more likable.
And boy was I wrong. Like I said, though, it took me a long time to come to this conclusion. The straightening every other week continued all the way into high school. There was a brief intermission, though, where I got new products and finally let my hair breathe. Let’s put some emphasis on the word “brief,” though, because those curls were very short-lived. And I was right back on to it.
It was never other people’s fault that I felt the need to be that way. It was just my own insecurities surfacing and bubbling over into my appearance. In this journey, I also learned to listen to the helpful and not the harmful voices in my head, and to not compare myself to others as much, either.
Comparison is the thief of joy.
In the end, this was a part of me that, to a certain extent, I would never be able to avoid. The frizz popped up whenever I got a little too sweaty, and I was too scared to get a full-on perm and just convert my hair. So, after some convincing, a lot of support, and many new curly hair products later, I started becoming much more consistent with my curly hair. And I started loving it a lot more, at the same time.
It became a new part of my personality. My curls, I realized, truly show who I am. They’re such a defining quality of me, so why would I try to hide them? And I feel like others should realize this, too. Your feelings are always going to be 100% valid. You’ll tear yourself apart, nitpick until there’s nothing left, and you just won’t be ready to love certain parts of yourself. And that’s okay. But you have to know that these parts of you make you, you.
Did you know that there’s a 1 in 70 billion chance that you turn out exactly the way you are right now? Imagine that! Out of so many possible outcomes, there you are. So unique, wonderful, and exploding with character. Take comfort in this uniqueness. Embrace all the parts of yourself. Feel the power in those qualities that set you apart from others. Love your curls, your forehead, your nose, your glasses… love yourself!
I started to feel my most beautiful when I found my independence.
Olivia Dean