How to Be a Better Gift-Giver
One of the greatest compliments I’ve ever received was that I am good at giving gifts others. To some, this “skill”–if you want to call it that–may seem trivial. But that depends on how you perceive gift-giving. Is it simply a formality included in birthdays and holidays and dinner invitations? Or is it a chance to communicate to someone that you are grateful that they’re in your life? Being “good” at giving gifts doesn’t necessarily means you buy everyone you know the shiniest toy in the store window–it means that you take time to thoughtfully put together a gift that embodies the way you feel about the person whom you are giving the gift to.
Here are 6 tips for giving that I live by. In using them, you may start to look at “giving” in a completely different light.
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Take time
In Little House on the Prairie days, people often spent months knitting mittens or sewing quilts in preparation for the birthdays of those they loved. Now, with shopping malls and overnight shipping at our fingertips, procrastinating on gift-giving is much easier, and everyone does it—even Santa. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with giving gifts this way, but I often find that I think of the “perfect” gift for someone when I’m least expecting it. It takes time for good ideas to come.
Write down in your calendar or planner when your loved ones have birthdays or important events that merit a gift. That way, you have time to mull over what you want to give to them, or ask others for advice or help.
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Write it down
Some people–even the ones you know the best–are harder to plan gifts for than others. My Dad is the most unmaterialistic person in the world, and every Father’s Day I am absolutely stumped on what to give to him. For people like my Dad, I’ve found it very helpful to sit down with a piece of paper and write down words or phrases that remind you of that person. These can be things, places, or even foods. What smells do you associate with that person? What memories do you have together? Do you have any meaningful inside jokes? Is there a quote or a song that makes you think of them?
Then, use that list to plan your gift. Often I find that if I use this method, I can come up with something really unique and special that really fits that person. If you absolutely cannot think of anything, give them your list. I’ve done this before and the person I gave it to had it framed. A list that is carefully compiled shows your loved one that you listen to them, think about them, cherish them, and know them through-and-through.
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Consider what your gift communicates
Of course, not everyone you give a gift to is going to be your soul mate or your best friend. Sometimes, an occasion calls for you to give a gift to someone you’ve only known for two months. In this case, is giving a gift-card or writing a check appropriate?
There are some cases where gift-cards make a lot of sense, such as graduation parties. But when you give a gift, remember that the type of gift you give often sends a message to the recipient about your relationship. If you are giving a gift to a new friend, someone you don’t know well but would like to grow a relationship with, then try to give them something that communicates this. For example, you could give them a gift card to a restaurant that you’ve both been eager to try, and attach a thoughtful note that suggests you go together. If you are buying a gift for someone you don’t know well but is very special to someone in your life, consider getting them a gift that involves your mutual loved one. For example, if it’s your best friend’s boyfriend’s birthday, and you know that your best friend and her boyfriend love a certain band, contribute money to help them buy tickets.
A Starbucks gift card isn’t a terrible gift—every gift is meaningful and should be appreciated. Indeed, a Starbucks gift card is perfect for certain situations. But it also doesn’t convey a bigger message or meaning, if that is your goal.
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Give Spontaneously
Many people see gifts as obligations that they must fulfill during holidays. A gift is a way to show someone you care about them, and they are often more meaningful if given on a random Thursday in March instead of on Christmas day.
If you see something small that reminds you of someone, you can either save it for a special occasion, or give it to them the next time you see them. Small gifts can brighten someone’s day or make a person feel appreciated when they have the blues. It’s never a bad day to show someone you love them.
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Good gifts come in small packages
There’s nothing wrong with spending a lot of money on an extravagant gift—in fact, its wonderful! But there’s also nothing wrong with a small handmade gift or a quirky present from a second-hand store. Don’t feel like you have to spend a lot of money or buy a lot, even if other people giving gifts are. Sometimes birthday parties or Christmas celebrations can seem like a competition between gift-givers on who can give the best gift.
Remember that it’s the sentiment of the gift—the way that gift makes the recipient feel–that counts. If you are short on money, baking someone’s favorite dessert, decorating a picture frame or planting a flower in a pot are all inexpensive ways to say, “I love you.” Even purchasing a small gift and taking time to wrap it beautifully with a heartfelt note is very meaningful. When giving a gift, think to yourself “How can I make someone feel special?” Hint: the answer to that question isn’t always a $200 purse.
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Good gifts may not come in a package at all
Give the gift of a picnic lunch, or a sunset walk, or a day spent adventuring together. Wash the dishes for your loved one or clean their car. Write them a poem, play them a song, or paint them a picture.
In our materialistic 21st century world, we see a gift as a “thing.” A gift is so much more than that; it’s a token of friendship or love.
I like to recall the short story “The Gift of the Magi” by O. Henry. In the story, a man and his wife are very poor, but want to buy each other gifts for Christmas. The husband’s most prized possession is a gold pocket watch, and the wife’s is her long, beautiful hair. In secret, the man sells his gold pocket watch to buy jeweled combs for his wife’s hair. The wife cuts her long hair and sells it to buy a gold watch chain for her husband’s watch. At first, the tale seems heartbreaking as each has sacrificed and is left with nothing. Yet, the fact that both were willing to forgo their most beloved possession to make the other happy is a symbol of their deep devotion and love to each other. The material gifts they received from each other were useless, but the love they received was priceless.
We need to change our perspective on giving gifts. Simply listening or being a friend for someone is a gift. In a way, you give little gifts every day, and each one is infinitely special. Just give with your heart and you can’t go wrong.