One of the hardest things to admit to yourself is the fact that you might be the one hindering your own potential. Not the outside forces (which are still very valid reasons), but you. As I deter myself from doing the things I know would make me happy, I am aware it is not by any lack of ability, but by lack of initiation. Is this a form of self-sabotage? Probably. So why do I do it?
Often, I notice I’ve spent hours distracting myself from completing or even starting projects I’ve been telling myself to do for months. When the time comes to self-reflect, I realize the extensive list of accomplishments I had imagined is much shorter than I would’ve hoped. The resulting question that plagues my mind the most is, “what would it have felt like to have just done it?” It sounds so simple. To start and focus on nothing else. It’s not that I am ignoring my goals, but perhaps, myself. Maybe… what I am really doing, is not paying attention to me. For what would happen if I just sat down and got things started? I would most likely feel pride, joy, and contentment. Instead, I sit with the lingering feelings of anxiety, disappointment, and unfulfillment. Despite knowing how to avoid these feelings, I dwell on them. I let them fester without any means or plan of changing the all-too-common tendencies.
It would be nice to say that I’ve overcome this. That one day, I woke up feeling like I could take on the world and did. But I haven’t. I see this journey of self-improvement span over a lengthy period of time. The feeling of initiative is fleeting, and always too quick for me to grasp. I am aware the process can be tedious and frustrating. But again, I think admitting to myself that I have a certain level of responsibility for my hindered potential will lead me to change. Because, ultimately, I am just as responsible for my demise as I am for my success. So, I want to build a new way of life for myself. One not so focused on distractions. I want to dedicate myself to listening to my soul and what it needs. I want to spend time doing what will make me truly and genuinely happy. Hence, this is my small form of manifestation. And if you’re reading this, I challenge you to spend some time in your loud mind to listen to your thoughts, and start catering your life to you and you, only.
This life is your own, own it.