How can we be for ourselves when we are often caught up in a fast-moving, all for their own society? How do we share respect and kindness with others while applying the same to ourselves?
The truth is, it is hard. It is harder to be compassionate with ourselves than with others. When you share kindness, love, and respect for others, they show us their best side… The same is true with ourselves. When we treat ourselves with love and encouragement we become better, but why is that so difficult to do?
When a friend or family member is going through a difficult time we give them a hand and sympathize with them. We are warm and encouraging in hopes that they heal and grow from their experiences; we show them compassion.
But what happens when it is YOU who is going through something?
“If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If not now, when?” -Rabbi Hillel
We tend to be better friends for others than we are for ourselves. When it comes to our feelings or struggles, we lack compassion. We lack the ability to be on our side. Think about the number of times something has gone wrong, whether it is small or big we become self-critical, cold, and distant with our own selves.
We should do onto ourselves as we do to others.
Compassion for ourselves is fundamental. How would it feel if every time we were self-critical, we took a moment to be on our sides? To accept what we can not control and appreciate ourselves. It is so important to give ourselves a hug once in a while, to let go of blame and guilt and embrace our journey. Talking to ourselves negatively will only result in more negativity. We are responsible for our reactions and by being good to ourselves we are also better to others. By talking to ourselves with kindness and being on our own side we portray the way we expect to be treated by those around us.
While talking to ourselves in a nicer way might sound simple. It is easier said than done. We must be willing to put in the effort and embrace difficult conversations within ourselves. Practicing compassion takes time and practice. In order to embrace the process, we must be able to believe what we are telling ourselves. Writing or telling ourselves statements such as “I matter, too” or “I am on my side” are not helpful if we do not truly believe them. With that comes practice, time, and willingness to hug yourselves. To be on your side.
I believe there are 3 steps to put into pratice to achieve personal compassion:
- Caring for yourself– This means being for yourself. Understanding what it feels like to be an ally to yourself. To practice this you can recall a time in which you were determined and caring when helping someone else. From a friend going through a break-up or someone experiencing an illness, think about what it felt like to be supporting and have their back. Hold on to that feeling and focus on the effects it had on you. Now, try this with yourself. Remember a time in which you were there for yourself. Maybe a test did not go so well but you reassured yourself because you know you tried your best, or maybe you and a friend distanced but you embraced yourself and understood it was not personal. By letting positive thoughts control your mind even when encountering negativing situations, you become more and more aware of your self-compassion and it becomes a habit, a form of self-care.
- Finding acceptance– In order to be compassionate, you must be able to accept. Accepting is a process in which you recognize what is getting in the way of being on your side. For instance, you are going through a breakup and you cannot help but blame, punish and continue thinking of ‘What ifs’… In order for you to finally give yourself a big hug, you must accept the situation. Statements such as “I accept this pain” or “ I accept this result” are ways for you to open up yourself for healing and most importantly self-acceptance. Once you have accepted the facts, you are able to do whatever is in your control to change your outlook, not the situation.
- Enjoying life– Finally, the ability to let go and embrace yourself will lead to better enjoyment of life. By doing things you love for yourself, your happiness levels will begin rising. You will become more motivated, and naturally care more for yourself thanks to the energy you put towards your well-being, others, and life’s fast-changing situations. We must enjoy the little moments, be connected to the now so we are able to value each experience, each person, and yourself as we grow and heal. Embrace the process and you will see that your inner strength will build.
By doing these practices you will slowly but surely become more compassionate towards yourself leading to powerful and beneficial changes in your everyday life.
Doing little things every day matters. They add up over time and will positively impact your life.
Hug yourself, say nice things about yourself, plan things you enjoy; you are all you have.
and don’t forget to be on your side for once…