“When will you be back home?”, my youngest sister, Phoenix, said to me with tears in her beautiful brown eyes. My heart shattered into pieces. The countless hours of studying and dedicating myself at my local community college had finally paid off, and I earned the acceptance to my dream four-year university, but not without a cost.
I would be leaving behind my three younger siblings as I go on to pursue my education and follow the path I had envisioned my life to follow.
The anticipation and pure excitement of going to my dream school was with me constantly as I waited till the day that I would finally be able to move away from home and go to a four-year university. My family and friends were ecstatic for me as well, asking all types of questions, like where I would be living, and which clubs did I hope to join. The excitement was with me all the time. I was finally going to be able to pursue my dreams in writing!
Then came the couple of weeks leading up to when I would move away from my family. I, the oldest of four, was leaving behind my three siblings that I love more than anything. I reminded myself that I was going to college, not only for myself, but for them. I wanted them to know that if I could do it, one day they could too.
The day was finally here. I was moving away from home. I was full of too much excitement to allow myself to fully realize what this day marked in me and my siblings’ lives. I would no longer be there in the morning watching them eat their cereal before school, go to every single one of their elementary choir recitals, go get boba with my sister on the weekends, and so many more events.
The reality of all I was missing hit me when I realized I would be missing Halloween with my siblings for the first time in their entire lives. Halloween was on a Tuesday, and there was no way I would be able to go home and back to school in time for class the next day. My fear came to fruition; I was missing moments in their lives.
The oldest sister guilt I feel on a daily basis can be very overwhelming at times. I must remind myself that I did not abandon them, and that I am pursuing my education for myself and for my future, and that is absolutely okay. I am worth investing in my future and aspirations, even if that means I must be a little “selfish”.
I want to lend some kind words to any oldest siblings, especially sisters, who feel the same way I do about leaving my siblings, especially younger siblings, back home. You do not have to sacrifice your life for other people. It may hurt, and you may feel like a bad sibling, but believe me when I say you are worthy of chasing your dreams and seeing all the world has to offer. And one day your siblings will realize that you showed them that they can do the same.