As the end of the semester nears, I can feel a sense of urgency. Finals are looming, interviews are being scheduled, and application deadlines are sneaking up. But I’m here to tell you that there is no timeline.
I’m 25 and I’m in the first semester of my junior year. I don’t have any kind of degree yet, I’ve switched careers, and I’ve changed my major more times than I care to admit. Many people that I went to high school with have multiple degrees, are engaged, and some even have children.
It’s easy to feel like I’m not “measuring up” when I compare myself to my peers. There’s a facade in our society that we must reach certain milestones by certain points in our lives. Well, that’s simply untrue.
If we gauge our personal timelines based off when we achieve certain successes, it’s obviously going to look different for everyone. Each of us has a different definition of success, so to claim that we should all strive for the same form of success is only going to encourage competition and disappointment.
For some people, following the “correct” timeline is immediately going to college, finding a partner to marry while in school, and marrying someone after school before having children. Others may want to take one or multiple gap years before going to school, or some may not want to go to school at all. And that’s okay.
The most important thing about defining “success” is whether it fits your specific values and goals. Constantly comparing where you are in life to those around you is always going to make you feel like you’re not good enough. But everyone is on a different path because everyone is trying to accomplish different things.
If I compared myself to people I went to high school with, I could wonder why I don’t have a degree yet or why I’m not married. But the thing is, I don’t want to get married. And I don’t have a degree because I took time after high school to travel, and then immediately started working in a professional setting that was the start of a career.
When I was 18, right out of high school, I was convinced I’d have a degree and a career by now. But if I chose the career path I wanted when I was 18, I know I wouldn’t be happy right now. When it comes to my hobbies, my friendships, and my job, I’m incredibly happy. I may not want to stay in my current job forever, but right now it’s serving me in the exact ways it needs to and sometimes, that’s enough. My friends and family will go to the ends of the Earth for me, and I couldn’t ask for a better support system.
By comparing myself to others and wondering why I might not have what they have, I’m robbing myself of the opportunity to celebrate everything I have accomplished, and what I do have. It’s also okay for your definition of success to be constantly evolving. Everyone’s timeline is going to be different. It’s okay to celebrate where you are right now.