Go shawty, it’s your birthday! (Thank you, thank you). Before I dive into all the lessons life has taught me, I must confess that aging is scary, confusing, yet beautiful. When I reflect on the paths I took to get to where I am today, I do not regret any mistakes, hiccups, or challenges because they shaped me into who I am.
Being 21 is not much different than being 20, although I’m legally allowed to enter certain businesses… I am realistically just an adult by one year. But in this milestone, one I did not believe I would make, I celebrate and share my lessons with you. I hope this resonates with you and prepares you for entering your own “Grown Woman Era.”
Accountability
I believe there is nothing more grown than holding myself accountable for the things I did, said, or thought that affected someone else. Although I do not regret my mistakes, it does not mean I am proud of the people that I’ve hurt along the way. I’m human, and everyone has their human moments, but whether we’re using excuses is important. We’re not in middle school anymore and I don’t believe in a daddy or mommy issues pass to explain sucky behavior.
I learned that taking accountability helped me blossom in my “Grown Woman Era” because it aided me in becoming more truthful with myself. Though the challenges I faced explain some of my emotions, it does not excuse my actions. There is so much freedom in college, meaning there are fewer people to hold you accountable because this is something you have to do yourself.
Motha
Not mother, Motha. As I got older, I realized my parents stepped back and I had an influence on raising myself. Just because we get older doesn’t mean we stop being raised. We’re constantly learning from the village around us. So I believe you sometimes have to look at yourself like one of your parents. One day I stopped saying “because my family told me,” and realized I had to have my own foundation and understanding of why I held certain morals and values.
Without my reasoning, I found myself to just be a vessel of everyone’s opinions and expectations. Leaning on what my family expected from me caused me to be confused and conflicted because I wasn’t sure what I wanted. There were days I looked in the mirror questioning who I was becoming and why. My family raised me to become a good woman, but I needed to want to become that woman as well.
Life Is Short
Overall, my biggest lesson within 21 years on this Earth is that life is short (not in an existential crisis type of way). As I get older, I realize my elders are aging with me. There is a little more gray hair in family photos which is a blessing. It also comes with the hyperawareness to celebrate every holiday a little extra and support loved ones if they visit the hospital.
As I look forward to my twenties, thirties and so forth, my family members will be reaching their seventies and eighties. The realization that everyone is aging with you is a hard pill to swallow. The possibility that my family could one day rely on me to cook holiday meals is bewildering. So, in this season of 21, I will make it a priority to cling to the lessons, traditions, recipes, and love of those who came before me.
I learned that my present self was once the woman I wished to be. I’m evolving and it’s important that I give myself grace along the way to make mistakes.