“He wears a mask and his face grows to fit it.” I heard this quote by George Orwell in class last week and it got me thinking. From when we were young, we were instructed to feel our feelings and behave in certain ways. This could vary from family to family or school to school, but societal expectations are standard when it comes to what emotions are appropriate to express in public.
For example, you are encouraged to be kind, polite, and calm. A child screaming and crying in a restaurant is deemed unacceptable. But to what extent is this line drawn? What things are we learning in our youth that carry on into our adult life? How often are you asked, “How are you?” and answer with the simple “I’m good! How are you?” in return.
People can feel the need to dismiss their real feelings and answer at surface level instead. This could also be due to the feeling that others don’t really care about you or because they don’t feel comfortable expressing themselves.
I think a lot of this stems from childhood. I believe that we are taught from a young age to mask our true emotions to satisfy social norms, and in return, this affects the rest of our lives.
Other people’s praises and judgments affect how we go about our behavior. If a mother praises her daughter for studying and getting a good grade on an exam, it will probably encourage her to keep doing well in school. If someone trips and falls in front of their class, feeling the jokes and judgement of their classmates could result in them being more cautious next time.
Beyond actions though, I think people tailor their emotions only to the extent of what people can handle. For example, if you were jumping around shrieking with joy for a job you just got, some people may perceive that as inappropriate behavior and tell you to calm down.
This is a negative reaction to someone’s excitement and could instill thoughts of self-consciousness, leading you to react less and reserve your emotions. But life is too short and feeling your emotions to the fullest is too beautiful to dampen it based on other people’s opinions.
I think it’s an interesting concept to reflect on our childhoods and see how such minor comments mirror our adult realities. In my opinion, being open with your emotions and reflecting on any insecurities that may have formed in childhood can be an important step in moving forward. I feel that setting new patterns and allowing yourself to be free in your emotions is important to live your life to the fullest.
I also believe it’s important to feel and express your emotions honestly, because if you don’t, it could lead to handling situations with misdirected feelings. One thing that can help with this is surrounding yourself with the right people.
To surround yourself with people who can be empathetic of your emotions is important because it embraces a safe atmosphere to be your true self. You shouldn’t have to be afraid to feel your feelings and express them to their fullest extent. The people around you should help fill your cup, not take from it.
Pitfalls of Suppressing Emotions and Pros of Processing Them, an article written for Psychology Today by Jason Linder states, “learning to befriend, recognize, identify, and manage your emotions can help you live a better, happier, and more fulfilling life.” This shows the benefit of allowing yourself to feel all your feelings instead of hiding them away.
This article also shows evidence of this by stating that in most cases and, “for decades now, research has suggested that emotional suppression can be counterproductive…it can also harm relationships, as we bond through sharing our emotional experiences with each other.” In my opinion, this proves the responsibility that we have to reflect and grow for ourselves and for our relationships with others.
I also find that dampening our feelings takes away from their beauty. Feelings of sadness are often labeled as negative, which seems to be why society usually likes to hide them. But there is beauty in sadness as well.
Sharing these types of “negative emotions” brings people past the surface level. Sharing deep and vulnerable feelings is a strong thing to do, in my opinion. It also connects people in a different and deeper capacity.
In Pitfalls of Suppressing Emotions and Pros of Processing Them Linder states, “relationships and closeness are built on sharing emotions and experiences; if connecting in relationships is a dance, the music is emotion.” This shared rhythm between connection and vulnerability highlights the importance of expressing yourself freely.
I also believe that this shared depth allows people to slow down and focus on the things that matter, like empathy and human connection. In our busy lives it can be easy to live a fast-paced life and forget to take it easy and connect like this.
Everyone goes through hard times, and societal expectations can force only positive feelings to be openly expressed. I think it’s important to not keep your feelings caged behind a mask that was molded for you by society. Recognizing this and allowing yourself to show all your emotions and to their fullest extent may be hard, but I think it’s important to feel truly alive.