Turning 20 feels like standing at the edge of something unknown. No longer a kid, but not quite an adult. In this reflection, I unpack what it means to grow up: the beauty of friendships that last, the act of self-forgiveness, and the comfort in realizing that nobody really knows what they’re doing. These are some reminders I want to carry with me as I step into this next decade of my life.
I turned 20 on Oct. 29, and I still can’t quite wrap my head around it. I still feel like that 16-year-old high school sophomore—overwhelmed by the mystery of what the future holds. Turning 20 is scary because I can’t hide behind the mercy of being a “kid” anymore when I make mistakes. It’s scary because I can’t even picture what the end of this decade will look like—how, ten years from now, I might be writing these same words about the uncertainty of turning 30. How I’ll only be 20 years old once and never again. How I have in my hands the potential to build the foundation to a life I’ve only just started getting to know. Existentialism in mind, today I want to celebrate growth—everything I’ve learned, everything I wish for, and everything I hope to remember. So, here are some things I’m taking with me into my twenties.
- You’re on your own, kid
I go to my parents for pretty much everything; I want them to tell me exactly what to do for any given situation. The thought of stepping into a future where those decisions are entirely mine is overwhelming, but I know how proud they are to see me taking control of my own life and be able to fly completely on my own.
- Friends mean the world to me
I can’t wait to be in my 40s with friendships that have lasted over 20+ years; how special it’ll be to look back on memories that old. To reminisce about how our lives have been woven together, how we’ve grown up side by side, shaping and molding each other in ways that will last forever.
- Nostalgia will be the death of me
I’m about to turn 20 and I already look back at moments of my life with so much love, such a deep desire to relive them just once more. But what a gift it is to miss my own memories. It only means I’ve had the privilege of creating moments so full of love that they still pull at my heart. What a pleasure it is to be living in real time moments my future self holds so dearly.
- Live with self-compassion
For this new era, I want to lead with self-compassion when it comes to my ADHD. Sometimes I can be my own biggest bully—constantly disappointed in myself for not achieving things fast enough, for needing twice the effort to do what others seem to do with ease. I want to start forgiving myself, embracing the way my brain is fundamentally wired, and learning to work with it, not against it.
- Progress isn’t always visible
Growth can take the shape of big milestones, but it also comes in the shape of taking a shower, answering that email I’ve been avoiding, getting myself to the gym for just 30 mins, writing the first 100 words of an essay I procrastinated. Progress sometimes doesn’t feel like progress in the moment, but it counts just the same.
- Remember my biggest dream
Anyone who knows me knows my biggest dream is to live in New York City. I’m not entirely sure what I’ll be doing there yet, but I know that’s where I want to be. I want my 20s to reflect that dream, not to burn myself out trying to impress employers or chase perfection, but to make choices that genuinely move me closer to the life I want.
- Trust the process
I trust that the path I’m taking will lead me to where I want to be. I trust that wherever I’m going is where I’m supposed to be. I trust that my efforts will pay off spectacularly.
- It’s everybody’s first time living too
Everyone’s just figuring it out as they go. I want to remember that and be patient with people. No one has it all together, even if it looks that way. We’re all experiencing life for the first time, trying, failing, learning, and doing our best with what we know.
- It’s okay if it doesn’t go “according to plan”
Even though I try to stay grounded in my goals, the path toward them won’t always look like the version I imagined. There will be detours and unexpected challenges that force me to pivot—but that’s where real learning happens.
- Life isn’t supposed to make sense yet
If I take anything into my 20s, it’s that no one really knows what they’re doing. Everybody is figuring it out, one decision at a time. There is freedom in not having everything mapped out yet.
I’m keeping these philosophies in mind as I step into this new stage of life. Turning 20 is exciting because I get to make new mistakes and learn from them to apply that new wisdom to all my endeavors. It’s thrilling because the end of this decade will be the fruit of these lessons (and many more) applied. I can’t even picture what the end of this decade will look like, and maybe that’s the best part of growing up. Ten years from now, I might be writing about how exhilarating it feels to turn 30. I’ll only be 20 years old once, and now I get to discover what that holds for me.