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Sex + Relationships

It’s Time We Stop Apologizing for Growing in Love & Relationships

The opinions expressed in this article are the writer’s own and do not reflect the views of Her Campus.

People change every day. They go in and out of different phases of their life as they get older and strive to be the best version of themself. So, why is it that when someone changes in a relationship—or grows out of that relationship—is it looked at as a problem? I mean, when you’re in a relationship you’re always told that you should grow with your significant other and support them as they go through life. But what if one person needs to grow alone. In my case that was exactly what I had to do.

For the longest time, I thought I was a terrible person for wanting to be alone and single. I forced myself to stay in a relationship that wasn’t allowing me to grow and mature. I felt stuck. Now, I am not saying that that past relationship was not a great one. (I mean how could you go from loving someone so much one day to the next not loving them at all?) The problem wasn’t that I didn’t have love for that person; however, I wasn’t happy with the life I was living. Personally, I felt so lost as if I didn’t know what phase of my life I should be in. To be realistic there is no answer to knowing if you are living your life right or the decisions you make are correct. I am young and I will make bad choices; I get that. 

As soon as I decided to walk away from that relationship I was immediately judged. People would say, “How could she do this?” or “She is crazy for leaving?” But, was I? Why should I apologize for wanting to focus on just me? There was no room in my life to be someone’s girlfriend, and I had an obligation to worry about someone else other than me. I found myself constantly apologizing for not being completely into the relationship, but in the end that wasn’t fair to me or them. I no longer had a smile on my face. 

I think we have all heard the phrase, “You can’t love anyone else until you love yourself.” I can’t give my heart to anyone other than me right now and I could 100% back up that statement. I need to be fully consumed and infatuated with myself. For the first time in my life, I feel so out of my comfort zone but in the best way. I have no idea what I want in life right now, but I am totally okay with that. I am reading and writing and doing things that make me incredibly happy. 

It is ok to be unhappy and feel lonely sometimes. But, there is something so beautiful about feeling free and messy. I want to fall madly in love with someone eventually, but right now I am so attached to myself. It’s time that we all stop apologizing for wanting to be single and focusing on ourselves. 

You are allowed to grow out of a relationship. You are allowed to break up with someone solely for the purpose that you are just not in love anymore. You are allowed to feel like you are unhappy and need a change in your life. You are allowed to love yourself in every possible way. 

Never apologize for loving yourself.

Emma Pascarella is a junior attending The College of New Jersey. Emma is majoring in Journalism with a minor in Psychology in hopes to be a broadcast journalist when she graduates! Emma is also a member on the women’s soccer team at The College of New Jersey. XOXO
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