Humans are not solitary beings. Since the beginning of time, we’ve survived as pack animals forming tribes, colonies, empires, and countless other communities. It is biologically embedded in us to crave connection and community. So much so that we’ve built smaller communities within our larger ones, such as clubs, churches, fandoms, and Reddit forums. At our core, the bonds we form with one another are the very fabric of human existence. Yet for some reason, there has been an uprise in hyper individualism despite community being humanity’s most vital survival skill since, well, forever.
An old friend of mine once told me that his parents had always told him to put himself and his feelings first in relationships during a conversation about personal values. At the time, it sounded practical. But the more I thought about it, the more it struck me as sad. Many of us were raised with versions of that same lesson: to always put ourselves above others. What your parents did not tell you is that radical independence, such as only prioritizing yourself, will only lead down a long path of isolation and loneliness. It’s not just an emotional inconvenience; it literally is a public health crisis. The U.S. Surgeon General reported in 2023 that lacking strong social connections can increase the risk of premature death as much as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Likewise, the Cigna U.S. Loneliness Index found that three out of five adults say they sometimes or always feel lonely.
Worse, this harmful rhetoric has recently been disguised as a popular wellness trend promoting hyper-individualism as self-care. Lately, I have seen an alarming number of posts on platforms such as TikTok and X promoting the “I don’t need anyone or owe anybody anything” mentality. These messages are framed as powerful, encouraging others to go out and cut ties with loved ones, burn bridges, and ignore obligations, all in the name of “protecting your peace.” Being a lone wolf and completely abandoning all sense of community has been turned into some performative self-care task.
While the idea that you don’t owe anybody anything may seem protective, it really just harms us all in the long run. It absolutely destroys community, which is the foundation of all that we know. This harmful mindset causes relationships to become extremely surface-level and sometimes even transactional. The most meaningful connections I’ve ever experienced have grown out of the shared understanding that we do owe each other care, respect, and presence. True wellness doesn’t come from isolation or strict self-reliance; it comes from loving yourself so fully that you have enough love to extend outward to those around you. We are all stuck here with each other whether we like it or not, so do something kind for your neighbor today, volunteer at a local food bank, or give your seat up to an elder on the bus. Humanity is built on small acts of decency that remind us we are one. You, me, and every other person on this planet—all of us bleed, all of us have an expiration date. Life can be cruel, which is precisely why we built communities: to make our time here more bearable. So do yourself a favor and do not try to be the main character—you do owe everyone around you kindness, empathy, and basic human decency