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Mental Health

Putting a Pause on the Eternal Circus

The opinions expressed in this article are the writer’s own and do not reflect the views of Her Campus.

Many of you can probably relate to being the funny friend. The friend who is always on and whose smile never falters on their face. I currently fill this role. And let me tell you, I love it! I love being able to make my friends laugh, seeing their shoulders shake and their eyes crinkle when a joke of mine hits well. Sometimes though, I just wish I could stop moving so fast and be a little sad and a little quiet. However, since I feel like I have to fit my role to a tee 24/7, I don’t like showing this vulnerability. No one ever told me that I had to be perfect 24/7, but it’s an assumption that the mind makes of itself.

I feel that as the “class clown," I have a certain image to uphold and maintain, even if it’s at my own expense. Last semester, I would be extremely burnt out from a heavy workload and balancing my responsibilities within my various organizations. Yet, there was never a time when you would see me slowing down. It almost felt like it was my full-time job to keep up my personality and see these appearances through, even if I wasn’t feeling the best internally.

After an eye-opening talk with my therapist, she told me something that stuck with me and helped me escape this repetitive cycle I seemed to be stuck in. “Why can’t you let your friends know that you’re tired and down? There’s no need to be on all the time,” she said. I remember looking at her, shocked, as I couldn’t come up with a good response. She was right. These are my best friends, the people who love me for me. Why was I having such a hard time being vulnerable around them?

Even now, several months later, it’s still a hard question to answer. What I can say now, though, is that I have come to understand that it is okay to not be smiling and joking all the time because that is not natural! We are not robots. We are only humans! Just like my friends did, your friends will also understand that some days are better than others, that there will be days that the mere thought of mustering up a smile is too much, and they’ll be there for you. That is what friends are for!

As silly as it seems, it’s okay to wipe off the clown makeup and relax. Remember, even a clown needs rest.

Howdy! I'm Anyssa Perez, a junior marketing major from Houston, Texas! I love writing in my free time and am so excited to get to write as a part of HerCampus!
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