As someone who’s had to witness her siblings (ages four and six) being raised for the past six years, I’ve noticed a lot of things that I would do differently, and think are important to address. I do not agree with many of the strategies that my father and stepmother use to raise their children and if I could, I would implement my tactics into their daily lives. Since I have been told on multiple occasions that my input is not valued, I cannot do anything about it other than write out my complaints. Here are several ways I think are important to raise your children.Â
- Limit media use.Â
My siblings are iPad kids without the iPad. They use both my stepmother’s old and current phones to play various games, watch YouTube, and have free reign to go on any of the apps that are currently downloaded on her phone. This is absolutely out of hand. Children of that age should never have that much free reign to browse the pages of an iPhone and be able to open up any app. There have been several occasions on which my little brother has nearly ordered something off of Amazon or bought a subscription to another streaming service because he goes unchecked on the phone for many minutes at a time. They are in a very impressionable stage and relentlessly scrolling on apps and games is hardly the way to help their brains develop.Â
- Read books with them/make them read
When I was younger, my parents would implement mandatory reading time. When I was in grade school, it seemed boring and oftentimes I would be forced to read for however many minutes, but eventually, I grew to enjoy it. As a third grader, family reading time may not be the most fun, and many parents don’t care enough to enforce this rule. I am an avid reader and when I get the chance, I enjoy reading. I attribute this to my parents’ encouragement to read when I was younger. If parents don’t want to read to their children, that is lazy parenting. Reading at a young age is so beneficial to children. It helps develop their vocabulary, their comprehension, and critical thinking skills and instills in them a hobby that is, unfortunately, dying these days. Reading enhances the imagination and provides an opportunity for growth and perpetual learning. It is one of the best skills to have and it is a hobby that is becoming increasingly rare among students and children. My mom read the first four Harry Potter books to me until I was in fourth grade, and then I read the rest by myself. It was a great memory that I made with her, and it got me into reading. If you encourage reading, there will come a point where your children will opt for books over iPads and technology which is personally what I think every parent should strive for. My siblings are overly brain-rotted, and it upsets me to my core. Every time I visit, I exclaim, “Let’s grab a book!” and my siblings groan and grunt and ask to play Roblox instead. It hurts me because it shows the laziness of their parents and their lack of hobbies.Â
- Be stern in your expectations.
This is applicable to so many different arenas, but the ones that come to my mind are mealtimes, bedtimes, phone usage limits, and basic behavioral expectations. The fighting and opposition to respecting all of the above-listed are because there aren’t established boundaries and rules. I am a firm believer in gentle parenting. Gentle parenting, however, in the sense that there is no physical harm or punishment brought upon the child, but stern voices can be used, and leniency is not always present. Gentle parenting does not mean permissive parenting. You can have a heart-to-heart with your child and describe why you are not permitting something without letting them walk all over you and without having to be mean or harmful to your child. You can make the rules clear without screaming and yelling and losing your temper. Letting your children be the determiners of bedtime and phone time is an absolute no-go. You are allowing them to take away your authority and give it to themselves, so they are then dictating the situation which as a parent, can never be permitted. The adult must be the authority figure and allowing your child to walk all over you is unacceptable. You can say no and you should say no. There are things that your child must hear the answer “no” to. If they are allowed to do and have everything they want, they will never grow up to be functioning adults. That being said, you must be stern when it comes to mealtimes. No matter if it’s when you’re eating, what you’re eating, how long you’re expected to eat and how much, there has to be boundaries. If you allow your child to have cereal every night for dinner, not only is it a) not healthy, but it’s also b) promoting poor eating habits and c) allowing them to think that it’s ok to have cereal for dinner. Most cereal is just sugar anyway, so it can’t even be excused as a meal. But to take it a step further and to justify cereal as being a perfectly viable option for dinner is just laziness and it’s detrimental to both your children’s beliefs and health. This goes along with cleaning up messes too. It is imperative to have expectations for your children where cleanup is concerned. If you keep cleaning up their messes for them, whether it’s dishes or toys, you are teaching them that they can make messes and get away with leaving the house a mess. It does not teach responsibility or discipline.Â
- Interact with them
I can’t stress enough how awful it is to never play with your children. Just so everyone is aware, having them in your line of vision while you’re doing something else and throwing them a ball every once in a while, does not count as playing with them. Step aside from your work or domestic tasks and take half an hour here and there to play a game with them, read them a book, color with them, or do anything that allows you to interact positively with your children. Always working, even if you’re working for them, cannot be an excuse for not playing with them. I can’t remember my dad ever playing with me much during my childhood and he certainly doesn’t play with my little siblings much either. It’s bad when your little children whine that “you never play with us” and you know that there is validity to that statement. As a college student, I can only be home so much during the school year so even if I did go over to their house every day it still wouldn’t be even close to how much their parents should be playing with them.Â
- Make them love the outdoors
I get that it isn’t fun when it’s the dead of winter and your kids want to make snow angels and build forts for hours and you have to supervise them, but wouldn’t you rather they do that than stay inside all day watching TV? Playing outside is an easy way to get your kids’ energy levels depleted and it gives them fresh air. When I was younger, I made up dozens of games for myself and my cousins to play. They still play some of these games now and they’re 11 and 13-years-old. It also forces them to be creative and use their imagination. There are countless things to do outside. A million ways you can manipulate a ball game and enhance it to make it fun. Having your children play outside allows their creativity to run free and for them to make fun memories with their siblings, friends or cousins.Â
- Give them their own rooms
This doesn’t have to be from each other; they can share a room up until a certain age. What I mean by this is do NOT let them sleep in your bed with you or in the same room as you when they get to be older than two, and even that is pushing it, in my opinion. During these developmental ages, it is imperative that they learn to become detached from you, so they do not end up being clingy. This will make your life a complete disaster. Having clingy children is normal for a certain age but it should be a phase and not a continuous cycle of constant clinginess. Not to mention, there are various health risks if you have your children sleeping in the same bed as you. A common one is SIDS, or sudden infant death syndrome, which is often caused by bed-sharing. Parents who ignore these risks are irresponsible and should not be having children if they can’t acknowledge that they might be putting their children at risk because it is more convenient to share a bed. An issue with my family is that my siblings had an extremely difficult time transitioning into their own beds and rooms because they were so attached to their mother and thought they would be “afraid” to sleep alone. This problem was created from the fact that they never had their own rooms or were trained to be ok sleeping by themselves. It’s a problem that could have been completely avoided if the correct steps were taken when they were younger. They just recently moved to their own room and beds. They were five and three when that happened.Â
- Correct inappropriate language
My siblings are in a stage where they think potty language is the best thing since sliced bread. They are chronically online and have heard terms like “skibidi” “sigma” “bro” and a multitude of other stupid words and phrases. It’s gotten to the point where every other word is “poop head” or “bro” and it’s terrible. They need to understand that they cannot be saying things like that because they’re silly words and they’re disrespectful. Some parents might feel that their child calling them “bro” is not a big deal, but I think once you allow that, it opens the door for your children to start disrespecting you and your authority in various other ways. Not to mention, it’s just absolute “brain rot”, to use another popular term right now. They shouldn’t be learning dumb phrases like “skibidi” but should be actually learning words that can help them in life. Filling their brains with useless junk is a great way to get them behind in school. There’s no reason that impressionable young children who are easily swayed should be exposed to the worst aspects of the internet like that.Â
I am unmarried and do not have children, but have been around children all 19 years of my life. This is how I plan to raise my children in the future and how I think everyone should try to raise their children. These are important topics that many people ignore because they don’t feel like using them. If you are having children, it is your responsibility to appropriately and effectively care for them no matter what. You are to put them first because you are raising the new generation and it’s vital that they learn how to function and grow to be responsible adults.Â
Sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) – Symptoms and causes – Mayo Clinic