Disclaimer: In no way am I judging anyone on their beliefs and views. This is strictly a joke based off a trend and not intended to insult the goths either.
As someone on Metal TikTok, I have found myself going down several rabbit holes for bands. I found one band called 2 Shadows due to their Goths in Ungothly Places videos. These videos all started when the band needed to convert a van to a tour van for their travel needs.
So, as a goth at Susquehanna University, I have decided to look around campus, and do my own version of a “goth in ungothly places.” As a result, I listed the top five places on campus where you are unlikely to see a goth, but not improbable.
- The Gym
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Let’s face it, black jeans are not comfortable to run in and are normally not pliable to aid in working out. Also, you have to factor in having black boots on, which are there for the aesthetic, not the workout, and most likely a chain attached to the belt loops that could get caught on to part of the equipment. And let’s not forget the makeup. If you are in the gym you are most likely sweating and unless you have good makeup, it’s going to get messed up. Besides, have you ever seen a goth on an elliptical anyway? Or even better, finding peace while doing yoga and listening to screamo?
- Apfelbaum→ Business Classrooms
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Okay, imagine being in your best attire (most likely a suit) and walking into a business class with your peers. You scan the room, and everyone is equally dressed well. Then your eyes land on the one person in the corner dressed in all black with eyeliner and other makeup on. This person is clearly a goth and clearly does not fit in with the setting. But I am sure they will do a fine job marketing a new product to you.
- Natural Science Center→ Greenhouse
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Goths like everything dark, including their surroundings. So, the science center’s green room will be too bright and, for a lack of better terms, lively for a goth. Also, depending on the temperature, the area is also probably hot, which is not great for black jeans (even if they are ripped jeans). Anyway, have you seen a goth with a green thumb? They usually prefer the black nail polish instead.
- Bogar Hall
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I feel like this one is obvious as to why a goth would not be found here, but to specify, Bogar Hall is the language building. Unless the goth is listening to music in other languages, this seems far-fetched for a goth to be in this building, specifically for a language class. Like, have you seen a goth try to scream “Blegh” in another language? I do dare you to try it in German.
- Weber Chapel
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Goths are definitely there in order to find their ghostly friends, but they usually stay away from the holy spirit as much as they can. That kind of ghost is just too bright for their liking. They aren’t normally seen as religious people, well, unless their religious figure is Satan himself, so why in the world would they be found in a place that worships a higher being from the heavens?
Goths can be found anywhere and everywhere if one would look hard enough. However, some places are less likely to attract your typical goth. This probability grows substantially when you restrict the radius in which you are looking to just a college campus.