Being in a relationship on a small campus is not as easy as it seems. Small campuses are like small towns. Everyone knows everyone. Everyone knows everything. Everyone spills tea and throws shade. Some people start rumors. Some people want to watch you fall apart. Some people might have eyes for your partner. As one half of a couple that’s been together since freshman year, dating on a small campus has it’s ups and downs. We’ve been happy for three years and hopefully many more, but we are not perfect, nor do we claim to be. So here are some things we’ve learned by being a couple on a small campus.
Trust your Partner and Yourself
On a small campus, you might see something on someone’s Snapchat or Instagram that may be easily thrown out of proportion by a friend. Your mind can go straight to the worst-case scenario too. Rumors can be formed but most rumors are more fiction than fact. If you can’t trust your partner to go out and have a good time with their friends and still be faithful, maybe you should reflect on that. Often times on a small campus, your partner sitting in a study room alone with another person could be twisted around the grapevine until it gets to you as “your partner is cheating on you.” This is 9 times out of 10 false. More times than not, you partner might be studying with a classmate or even tutoring. You know your partner, so you know what may be out of character for them. Trust that you know them well. Trust is part of the foundation of a relationship. It is fundamental. Without trust how are you supposed to grow?
Communication
Everyone says that communication is key. LISTEN to them. They know, through their experiences, that it’s true. There are multiple ways to communicate in a relationship. For example, if I’m upset, I get quiet and tend to start cleaning, instead of voicing how I’m feeling. I’ve gotten better at this but my partner, with time, has learned that these signs mean that I’m upset about something. An easier way to communicate is to literally just say whatever it is you need to say. There are many times my partner and I have sat down and said: “I just feel as though…” Talking is the easiest form of communication. Seriously, just talk it out. Use “I messages” instead of “You messages.” For example, instead of saying ” You did me wrong” you should say “I feel hurt when you do…” Remember, when communicating with your partner, to be honest. Honesty and communication, in a relationship, go hand in hand. Communication is key.
Leave Your Baggage at the Door
Do not enter a relationship holding your partner to the same standards you held your ex. A lot of people enter college in relationships from high school. Some stay together and some don’t. That is okay, but when you start something new, the baggage from your last relationship cannot be brought into the new one. Do not take your emotions from a rough day and aim them towards your partner with anger. It’s cool to talk about your rough day, but don’t use an angry tone with them just because someone else, outside of your relationship, got under your skin. Your relationship should be a place where you can talk to your partner with loving language and it should also be a zen place. In many cultures, it’s forbidden to walk into a sacred place with negative energy. Your relationship should be that sacred place.
Be Open to Change and Growth
My partner and I have been together for three years and there’s always something new to learn about him because people are always changing and growing. It is unrealistic to expect your partner to stay the person they were when you met them. I know I’m not the same person I was when my partner and I first got together. I’ve gotten older and I’ve been through some tough experiences. We’ve grown and changed but we’ve done it together. There’s a lot to learn through your partner’s perspective and how they move through the world. Your perspective will change just from listening to the things your partner is passionate about or interested in. Don’t accuse your partner of not being the same as when you started because you aren’t the same either. Don’t close yourself off to your partner’s growth or your own.
The Perfect Instagram Couple does not Exist
We all know those couples in social media that are always posting about each other and always have their relationship public. This does not have to be every relationship! Society or your campus friends may want you guys to be constantly seen and constantly keep tabs on your relationship. Do not feel as though you have to post all the time or talk about your partner all the time. Over the summer, my partner and I posted one picture together but into this school year, we haven’t posted at all. You’d be surprised how many people asked or DM’ed us saying “Are y’all still together?” just because we haven’t posted. Do not feel as though you need to constantly validate your relationship on social media. Social media has this “perfection” kind of vibe, but there is no such thing as a “perfect” relationship. If you keep yourself open to learning, growing and doing what is best for your relationship and your love, then that is your own oasis and your own perfection. Do not let anyone else’s view of perfection affect you and your happiness.
Do you. Be happy. Spread love.