My boyfriend Jordan and I have been together for two and a half years and we’ve had our share of incredibly awkward moments during “sexy time”. For instance, people have walked in on us during a heated moment or two, mostly family members—worst mood killer ever. We’ve also been in the middle of kissing, and out of nowhere he’ll burp, or I’ll fart, you know normal couple stuff. We’re both gassy, what can I say? I’ve never been so completely comfortable with any guy in my entire life, so Jordan loves me and the awkward things I tend to say, but in past relationships I have had some despairingly painful moments where I or they have said things that should never be spoken in an intimate setting. Ever. The following list has some examples from my personal experiences as well as a few of my friends.
- You can do better than that.
- Were you breast fed?
- You’re not going to tell anyone about this, are you?
- Did you shave?
- I’ve had better.
- I’m a Trump supporter.
- I don’t like labels.
- Can you use your feet?
- I haven’t showered in days.
- Were you tested?
If you hear any of these things it’s probably best you leave the room and cry, and if you’ve said any of them…well, you know not to say anything in an intimate setting ever again. All jokes aside, relationships are different for everyone, but if you’re anything like me, you’ll want to find someone that you can laugh about these things with. I’ve found mine and he adores me for the inappropriate weirdo that I’ve always been. If you’re going to say crazy things, do it with someone who will come back with something unspeakably worse than what you’ve said…or just enjoy the moment without a word. The choice is yours.