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There is something to be said about having a relationship with your mother. In my young adulthood, I now understand all that a Mother is supposed to be in their child's life. I have also realized that having a relationship with your Mom is an important factor in contributing to who you are and moreover, what becomes of your life. And of course, your father is important in that whole process too (shoutout to all the Dads out there), but I am here to talk about Moms today!  

It does not matter if your Mom is younger, older, a family member who has taken over the role, or a stepmom. Every mother figure imprints on a child’s memories and behavior. I now recognize that some do not get the opportunity to be loved by a Mom. For those individuals, I wish I could give them a semblance of all the love a mother provides, just as my own has. 

I am not going to tell anyone how to parent their child or what kind of Mom you should have. I do, however, want to share the type of relationship I have with my Mom. My relationship with her has shaped who I am today, which I am forever grateful for. Likewise, your relationship with your mother has shaped who you are today with, of course, the addition of many more factors. I realize too that there are many kinds of mothers out there, which I believe also plays an important role in our culture. 

I lean on my Momma for my own sanity. I am a 23-year-old who moved away from home to begin their PhD program. I left behind the safe little nest my family provided for me my whole life. I had to learn to take on bills, cooking, caring for myself, and developing a routine that I was not used to, in order to survive. My Mom provided complete order in my home, and admittedly, my life. Granted, I was lucky enough to have a stay-at-home Mom. With that being said, a stay-at-home Mom was not only the best thing for me, but was crucial for how I was raised and thus, my well being today. 

My Mom is the one who taught me most of the life skills I’d need to survive on my own, because she spent all of her time with me (and my brothers). We have also developed a relationship in which I can talk to her about anything. Relationships and boys are a big topic of course, but also things like how to get stains out of clothes...any topic, truly! I can have (and have had) a mental breakdown and ugly cry over big or little things, and I know that my Mom is right there. My Mom has also helped me on my journey to recovery over the past few years, after a medical incident I had at home. To this day, I am still getting better, and she continues to support and assist me in any way that she can--even now, when I am away at graduate school. She has even taken the time to come stay with me for weeks, when my entire life tanked during my first few weeks of graduate school. My Mom is my best friend. She is my gossip partner, my blunt, “you are making a bad decision”-teller, and my “I don’t know what I am doing with my life” comfort partner.  

I am who I am today, because I have had a Mother that was there for me every step of the way, took the time to provide everything I could possibly need, and establish a wonderful home for my family. I genuinely think I lucked out in the Mom lottery. Make your Mom or mother figure your best friend. Not only will they appreciate it, but Moms for some reason have all (well most) of the answers, and will hold you up when you are falling down if you establish that relationship. It is never too late to build a relationship with your Mom. I could write a book on the importance of a mother and how mine has impacted me. I encourage everyone to take the time to evaluate their relationship and see where steps can be made to have a great relationship with their Mom. If I did not have the relationship with my Mom that I do, I would not be pursuing my PhD program, I would not be mentally strong, I would not have any adult-ing skills, and I would not know how to be a strong lady. Since I have this knowledge, I know what kind of standards I need in my life to be happy, healthy, and successful. Mothers do so much for you, and I did not recognize that until I moved out and did not have my Mom with me at every moment. Take a moment and thank your Mom. Build a healthy relationship with them, it will change your life. Thanks, Mom, for everything. You have loved me at every moment and taught me so much. And, I, of course, now know exactly how I would raise my own children if I am ever so lucky to have a family of my own.  

Jessica Lioy

Stony Brook '26

My name is Jes Lioy and I am a first year PhD Genetics student at Stony Brook University. I am pursing a career in medical genetics and have the hopes of building an empire of women along the way! I have a small Instagram blog, Lady.scientist where I empower women in STEM. I feature women of all backgrounds and points in their career. I am also a student who struggles with mental health which will be discussed in my writing. There are not enough conversations occurring about mental in higher education or in society. My goal is to contribute to ending the stigma around mental health. I am also part of the Leading Women of Tomorrow and GWiSE organizations at SBU. I hope to create an empowering, safe and encouraging presence for all my readers. Always feel free to reach out to discuss concerns, my writing, or just say Hi! I am also a corgi mom! So give my blog a follow or keep posted on my articles as I will absolutely talk about him and post pictures!
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