While I scroll through Instagram, walk around on campus and read magazines, I can’t help but think about the ridiculous standards women are told to achieve. The picture perfect smile, the hourglass figure, the completely hairless body and the list goes on. While there’s no doubt that being a woman is hard, I often wonder about the male perspective on the various issues that I and many women struggle with.
So I did just that, I talked with some of male peers, to uncover whether or not our struggles are one and the same.
Masculinity
I began with a relatively simple question. What is masculinity and what does it mean to you? For the majority of men I spoke to, their definitions of masculinity seemed to be tied their own self worth. They all iterated stories of having to live up to the stereotypical masculine standard like getting girls, being macho, being athletic, non-emotional, and a provider. Some also mentioned that many men fail to attain those standards, which can have a devastating impact on self perception. One individual I spoke to cited his Hispanic culture and upbringing as a deterrent for most of the societal pressures that he saw a lot of his friends and peers fall victim to. However, on a positive note, many of the men agreed that the term “masculinity” was evolving and could be a term catered to the specifics of the individual.
When I heard my male peer’s opinion on masculinity I couldn’t help but notice how the parallel my own when it came to my femininity. For the large majority of my life, and even today, the strict restrictions of femininity have always been a cause of conflict with myself, peers, and family. Growing up I was always told that I had to learn to cook, clean, and learn how to cater to the needs of my future husband and family. As someone who was a self-proclaimed tomboy and nerd, I instinctively rejected these ideals. So I knew very well the kinds of strains societal and familial expectations can have.
Relationships and Dating
I then asked these same men about their views on dating today. When I asked about whether or not gender roles were shifting within relationships, many of the men agreed that they were, specifically the breadwinners within a relationship. In fact, in 2017, researchers found that females CEOs outearned their male counterparts. Another study found that women’s annual personal income grew about three times faster than men’s. It’s obvious that in many relationships it may no longer be the man who contributes the most to the family piggy bank. And for all the men I spoke to, this was okay, it was celebrate. As one person put it, “ I don’t care, if you’re making your cheddar I’m good, I’m happy for you. It doesn’t make me feel like less of a man .” When it came to the nitty gritty and mechanics of dating, most men cited trust and communication as the most important aspects for a healthy relationship. When I asked them what they wished men did more often in relationship, supporting their partner was the common response. In their opinion, a lot of men don’t want to be supportive when it comes to their partner’s ambitions because of the fear that the success of their partner might undermine their own ambitions and standing within the relationship (again this idea of being less of a man).
After talking with these men it was evident to me that we struggle in many similar and different ways. Whether or not the struggles are equivalent in severity, are up to debate, but what is true is that their struggles deserve to have a platform much like our own.