I want to protect him from everything scary and dangerous in this crazy world. I worry when he goes to school and I can’t be there to hold his hand. I cringe when I think about not being there to kiss his boo boos and tell him everything is going to be okay. He’s made every day spent together wonderful and memorable and all I want to do is ensure his happiness. Now although it’s difficult, I’ve had to accept taking a step back and allowing him to live his life without my constant presence. I’ll let him make the mistakes that we all do when we’re young and I’ll hope he learns some valuable lessons like I did. But there is something that I want to be sure he hears from me: It’s okay to cry.
There’s a lot of meaning behind this statement that I know he won’t understand right away but it’s important that he hears it. He’ll constantly hear others saying that “boys don’t cry” or that he needs to “man up” and I hope he remembers my four simple words. I hope he never feels like he has to suppress his feelings and that he can never go to others for help. I hope he never thinks that he’s weak for reaching out to others when life gets hard. And I hope he never feels the need to disguise his emotions with an overly masculine and aggressive act. I never want him to be another victim of the toxic hypermasculinity that society pressures many to conform to.
We may not realize the impact we have when we reinforce gender stereotypes upon children who are impressionable. We tell girls they have to be delicate and submissive. Then we tell boys they must be tough and “manly.” There’s pressure to fit into these molds and if you don’t, you’re criticized and made to feel like less of a person.
Our words can metastasize into consequences far more detrimental. We can’t continue to raise children in an environment that doesn’t allow them to stray from what is “normal.” It’s unfair and damaging.
I do my best to encourage my brother to pursue interests and goals that make him happy. Whether it’s over what toys he wants to play with, to what he wants to wear, to who he wants to be, I’ll always be there to support him. I may not always be there to hold his hand, but I’ll make sure I’m there to pick him up when he’s down.
Photos courtesy of Dora Nyiro Photography