The feeling of helplessness that emerges when we see our loved ones struggling is often overwhelming, especially when it’s with an illness like alcoholism. Our immediate response is to jump in and rescue that person; if we just tell them to stop, if we just show them what alcohol does to them and their relationships, that’ll bring clarity to their eyes and they just might put the bottle down for good.
As much as we wish this were true, it isn’t. We can’t be their bright and shining hero that will erase all of their problems, but we can intervene and be involved in different ways that show the person they are loved and that they have support so that when they’re ready to stop drinking, they aren’t alone in the battle.
What to Do When You First Notice the Signs:
Talk to them. Let that person know that you’ve noticed their drinking and how it changes them. Alcoholics will often become defensive in response because they most likely understand they have a problem but will not admit it, not to themselves and definitely not to others. Your first reaction might be to get aggressive and accuse them of being selfish or self-destructive, but that only works to push them further away from you. It takes a lot of willpower to stay in control of your emotions, but if you can, it will put you in a better position to help.
There’s strength in numbers, too. If you can, inform other people you and your friend trust about your friend’s drinking problem. Ask them to support your friend and stay away from judgments and accusations. It’s important for all parties not to feel alone.
How to Help:
Remain supportive. Stay in contact with your friend but avoid seeming like a babysitter or an interrogator. Understanding what drives your friend to drink will help you gain deeper insight into their problem. At the same time, prepare for disappointments. Alcoholics will often make promises and break them the next second regarding their drinking. Discovery Place says of alcoholics, “Watch what we do, not what we say. Watch our actions, deafen to our words.”
If you can, and if they’re willing, refer your friend to a support group, like Alcoholics Anonymous. If you need support for the way alcoholism affects you, Al-Anon is a valuable support group where friends and family members of alcoholics can come together, share their experiences, and see that they aren’t alone in the fight for the sobriety of their loved ones.
Remember:
This can be an emotionally draining process for all parties involved; yes, that means you! Remember: you can’t be your friend’s savior. You’re human, too, and your emotions need to be nurtured. The hardest work to fight alcoholism needs to be done by the alcoholic themselves. I’ve learned the hard way that if they don’t want to change, they won’t, no matter how much energy you put into it.
Stay strong, collegiettes. You can do it.