The other day, my friend turned to me and said.
‘I hate spending time on my own. I really need to get better at it.’
She was saying how she felt like she needed to be around other people constantly or she found herself getting bored or lonely.
And that really struck me, because I’ve never really been one of those people. I love spending time with my family and friends, but I’m pretty okay with spending an afternoon or day by myself too. I guess that’s where the whole extroverted vs introverted thing comes into play. In case you didn’t know the difference:
Extroverts-get their energy from being around other people.
Introverts-get their energy from spending time recharging alone.
There’s a common misperception that one means confident and loud and one means quiet or shy, but really it’s just about energy levels and where you feel drained versus where you gain energy. Most people aren’t either or, and sit more in the comfortable bracket of an ambivert, someone who gets energy from both being alone and with other people. But usually your tipped slightly to one side of the scale.
So, my friend being much more extroverted than me, said she struggles to spend time without other people, because it drains her to be on her own. On the other side, I find that if I have spent a long time being really social, I need that time on my own to recharge the batteries. But I think it can be difficult to spend time alone if you’re just wandering around your room thinking about how you’re bored, especially if you find it hard to begin with. So here are my top 5 tips on how to really get the most out of spending time by yourself:
1. Read
It sounds like a big cliché to tell you to pick up a book, but honestly this is one of the best ways to fill time alone and especially if you’re someone who struggles with it, the company of surrounding yourself in the world of a novel means your less likely to feel like it’s just you sitting in a room not knowing what to do with yourself. If you don’t know what to read try browsing Amazon’s top booksellers or looking up College Book Recommendations!
2. Go thrifting
This is one I’ve only just discovered recently. It’s great to go shopping and browsing with your friends, but if you’ve got an afternoon to yourself try going to your local thrift store, to find some good vintage/second hand clothes. I find this is something that actually works best alone because it can take a lot of concentration to try and pick out the salvageable items from the ones best kept on the rack. Think about how you could alter or customize them for your taste, and then when you get home whack out the needle and thread or a pair of scissors and get sewing or chopping- this is a great way to spend time on your own and switch off a little, and end up with a cheap new wardrobe at the same time!
3. Get creative
Whether it be picking up a paintbrush or settling down with the journal your Mum bought you for Christmas that you haven’t opened once, if you have some spare time try doing some writing or art. This is something that not only works best as a solitary activity, but if you are one of those people who feels like they need to have accomplished something with the time spent, this is a great way to spend some time alone .You’ll have got some of your thoughts or expression out and feel like you’ve achieved something with the end result even if that’s just scribbles in a notebook or doodles on a page.
If you don’t want to spend time shut in your room, take your books/notebook to a local coffee shop and order a hot chocolate whilst you write!
4. Go for a walk with headphones on
I’m a pro-headphones over speakers kind of person, and I find one of the best things to do when you’ve got some time to spare, is slip into some comfy clothes and go on a walk with the music blasting. It sounds really simple, and maybe it isn’t the most appealing thing to do especially now it’s getting colder and the suns disappearing for hibernation season. But it’s well known that exercise releases endorphins and dopamine and all other kinds of chemicals that are basically your body’s way of fighting stress and other negative feelings. I’m not a science major so I can’t really tell you how this all works but the message I got from it is, exercise= good. Even if it feels like torture to drag yourself out of bed. Maybe choose some kind of up-tempo form of exercise like running or cycling or even just going to the gym if that’s more your speed. But I find going for a walk on my own is great for refreshing your mindset and giving you time to just think through stuff. Life is so fast paced, I think often we don’t give ourselves enough time to process everything going on!
5. If all else fails- Netflix!
Okay so I guess this is going to undermine everything I’ve said but if all else fails, and you have a spare evening and nothing to do, grab your laptop, run to Target and grab some ice cream or candy, and just chill out. I think especially at college, because there’s so much pressure to do well, the options either seem to be go and be social with other people, or if you do find yourself spending time on your own: study. And yeah studying is important, I’m not saying throw away your books, but it’s also completely fine to put them down for the evening.
Spending time on your own doesn’t have to mean just doing work or being bored; you can binge your favorite series of Gilmore Girls or watch the latest romcom Netflix has added to it’s ever-growing lists, and you don’t need to feel guilty about it. It’s all about balance.