Sex is quite a taboo subject in society. It can be seen as inappropriate or vulgar to discuss anything sexual. However, we must break down these stereotypes to help any confusion or false realities overwhelm our ideas for sex. Particularly for having sex for the first time, it’s important to have some things in mind beforehand. Here are four things that are important when doing anything sexual:
1. Communicate with each other.
The most important thing when you and your significant other decide to become intimate is to talk to each other. The more you both discuss what you like or are comfortable with, it makes the experience even more pleasurable for the both of you. If there’s something you like during sex, you should tell your partner because they’ll enjoy knowing that they’re giving you the best experience possible. It’s not selfish to tell them what will make you feel good. If there are things that you are interested in trying, tell your partner. You should always feel comfortable when you have sex with your partner, and if you don’t, then you need to tell them.
It’s even more so important to discuss with each other what you dislike or what makes you feel uncomfortable. You’re in no way required to perform or do anything that you’re not comfortable with during sex, and you should tell your partner what actions make you feel uncomfortable so that they don’t accidentally end up doing them. Having sex is an incredibly intimate thing and it’s a way to get to know your significant other even better, so communicate to each other so that it’s a comfortable and enjoyable experience for both of you.
2. Relax and don’t put so much pressure on making it perfect.
There’s an expectation stemmed from our society that sex is always this perfect and hot experience, but sex is never going to live up to this fantasy. Trying to make it perfect is going to add extra stress to your experience. Both of you are probably going to be a little nervous, so don’t focus on making everything a certain way, but rather focus on doing something special with your partner. Try to relax so it eases the tension for both of you, and as much as you might want to make it super romantic, that might add a lot of expectations onto your first time. We all want something just as incredible as the media portrays it, but don’t pressure yourself to live up to those expectations and just try to relax and focus on having a good time with your partner.
3. Don’t keep doing something if it’s painful.
This is so incredibly important! If something doesn’t feel good or something hurts, you should say something! Don’t feel like you’re going to ruin the moment if you tell your partner that something hurts, they’ll appreciate you telling them. If there is something that you thought you would like but find out you don’t like it, you don’t need to be embarrassed about anything, part of sex is discovering what you like, and if something hurts or doesn’t feel as good as you thought it would, voice that to your significant other. Especially the first time you have sex, be aware of what’s making you feel good and what’s not so that you can learn from the experience and make next time even better.
4, If you’re not feeling it, you don’t need to do it.
Consent is the most important thing in sex. It doesn’t matter if your partner wants to have sex, if you’re not in the mood, you don’t need to have sex. If you might’ve wanted to do something at the beginning but later along, don’t want to have sex anymore, you did not lead your partner on and you don’t owe it to them to have sex or do anything sexual. Your partner should respect how you’re feeling and if they don’t, then that is a serious problem. You should always make sure both of you want to have sex, never assume that it’s fine to go ahead and start getting sexual with your significant other. Consent on both sides is the most important thing, and if you’re not in the mood to do something sexual, you are in no way obligated to do anything.
Everybody’s first time is different and there are all sorts of expectations going in. You never need to rush to have your first time, it’s not something that makes you any cooler or more mature than anybody else. You should only have sex once you feel it’s right. It’s important to keep all these things in mind, regardless if it’s your first time or not. Remember that sex should be safe and consensual!