When the clock hit 12:00 AM, the ball dropped and everyone hugged each other with pure joy in their eyes, screaming, “Happy New Year!” It was finally 2020 and a new year had begun, I told myself, “This is going to be your year, Chloe.” However, little did I know, I was dead wrong.
It has only been four months since the new year began. Going into the new school term and new year, I had high hopes and even larger aspirations. I was going to be more active on campus, join more clubs, apply for a position at the childcare center, and give back to the Stony Brook community. Going back on campus the night before the new semester began, I was excited. I had not seen my suitemates in what felt like forever and when I walked through the suite door, I was greeted with bear hugs and an overwhelming amount of “I missed you so much!” Besides being reunited with my friends, I was looking forward to my first week of classes. This semester, I was finally able to take some of the core courses for my major (the foundation or intro courses were getting pretty boring and feeling a bit irrelevant). Additionally, being in new courses meant I get to meet new people and being an extrovert, nothing excites me more than meeting people.
The first week of classes went by smoothly and I made new friends in most of my classes and became part of a student organization. For the next couple weeks, everything continued on as usual at Stony Brook University, days spent studying in the library, most nights and weekends spent inside dormitories, unless you commuted or went home on the weekends. Meanwhile, outside of the Stony Brook bubble, the world was in a state of panic due to an outbreak of the new, flu-like, disease named COVID-19 (Coronavirus). Everything seemed to be under control until the beginning of March, the reported cases of COVID-19 began to exponentially increase. Colleges and universities throughout the country began requiring students to move off campus within a five-day period, online classes began to become the new norm, and social distancing became increasingly encouraged. Large gatherings were forbidden, and most courses held in the Javits Lecture Center became cancelled, this included exams. All this did not hit Stony Brook until the week before spring break. The week of March 9th, large classes were being cancelled, dining halls no longer had food on open display, emails regarding the virus were being spent every hour, and the Stony Brook campus became hauntingly emptier. Throughout that week, most of the student body and faculty members became increasingly confused. No one knew how severe COVID-19 was, when it would reach Stony Brook, or how the school was going to handle it.
Everything still being in the unknown, my friends and I began to plan our future in order to have some sense of control. Seeing how other schools were closing for the rest of the semester and switching to remote learning, we assumed this was the future of our semester. Thus, we decided to use as many dining dollars as we possibly could. On Wednesday night, March 11th, we took a little field trip to Jasmine, the more expensive retail location. We treated ourselves to a nice dinner and used a good half of our dining dollars at The Market Place. Then we headed to the Emporium at East Side and bought everything that we could possibly desire. When we got back to the suite, we began packing to head home for break (which turned into moving out for the rest of the semester.) Thursday and Friday were left for tying up loose ends and to finish packing. On Fridays we said our goodbyes and headed home. Don’t worry, our friendship doesn’t end there, it is to be continued.
Back at home, I had a very different routine than the one I have at school. Without classes, every day I would wake up at noon, make brunch, then proceed to resume whatever show I was watching for the next few hours, or until dinner time. After dinner, I would try to do a little bit of work or have a movie night with my sisters. This continued for the first few days which was fine; I spent quality time with my family, caught up on shows that I’ve been meaning to watch, and got a chance to relax. However, being the person I am, I need productivity, objective, and purpose. Without classes or any due dates, life felt somewhat meaningless and because hanging out with friends and travelling were now prohibited I felt lost and trapped.
Being in quarantine, I was unable to feed the extroverted component of my personality and just like the physical body, I had hunger pains in the form of internal screams. Not seeing people for a long time really took a toll on me, my mind began to convince me that I was alone, not because of the mandatory quarantine, but because no one wanted to reach out and they secretly did not like me. This opened a door for insecurities to sneak in and further eat away at my mental wellbeing. Eventually, I gave in. I spent days locking myself in my room, isolated from my family because I felt so disconnected. I was scared that if they asked me if I was okay, I would begin to cry and worry them. I knew that they would not understand if I were to tell them about the despair, agony, and the emptiness I felt. They would simply say, “Don’t be sad. What is there to be sad about?” So, the only person that I would talk to was my best friend, she would check in on me every day and try to talk me through my depressive episode — it killed me that I could not hug her. Eventually, I was able to pull myself together and slowly climb out of the “hole.” Although I still was not able to see my friends or be around people, I learned to cope with the reality of it and got back on my feet and being my best self. Even though I am still in quarantine, I am trying to feed my extrovertedness by calling my friends every day and learn better coping mechanisms for my mental health.