If you’re a woman, you’ve probably been warned against walking alone at night. You’ve probably been told that you should never leave your drink unattended. Maybe you’ve heard about women’s self defense and taken a class or learned techniques online. You might own pepper spray or a rape whistle. You might have been advised to change your outfit because someone might get the wrong idea. Or perhaps you’ve been warned about the possible dangers that come with being alone with a man in a place no one could hear you if you called for help.
Preventing sexual violence, whether it be rape, sexaul harassment, street harassment or anything else you can think of, seems to be a women’s problem. What comes out of this situation is a culture in which men bear no responsibility and women are taught to be constantly in fear of situations that can only be prevented if they stop it . My question is this; if we spend all this time and effort teaching women ways not to get raped or harassed, why can we not teach men not to rape and harass women?
Teaching men not to commit violent sexual acts against women may seem like a daunting challenge. There would need to be a massive social change in the way we perceive and handle sexual violence. A comprehensive education would need to cover dozens of topics; feminism, misogyny, the male-female relationship, aggression control, dominance vs. submission etc. But one the most vital and easiest to grasp concepts we can teach men in order to reduce instances of sexual violence and relieve the burden from women is the idea of consent.
Consent is asking someone’s permission before committing a sexual act and and receiving a ‘yes’ before you do it. Seems pretty simple, right? Unfortunately, very few men ask women for consent. Often times, men will assume because a women is nice to them, seems to be or is actually flirting, is wearing a certain type of outfit, or didn’t explicitly say ‘no’ that consent is being implied. But real consent is not implied or assumed; it comes with a firm ‘yes’ and is given when the women is in a clear frame of mind. In other words, a drunk women can’t give consent nor can a woman who is scared, hurt or stressed because a man has threatened, guilted, manipulated, or hurt her into saying ‘yes.’
If we engrained the importance of consent into the mind’s of men the way we engrained the ABC’S into the minds of children, the world would be a less violent and unfair place. If we created a culture in which men no longer assumed what women wanted done to their bodies, there would be less cases of men misreadings signals and committing unwanted sexual acts. Consent would ensure that every women was given their right to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ and that men are given the opportunity to do the right thing and be respectful.
For every women reading this, know that you deserve to be asked for consent. Know that you have every right to say yes and every right to say no. You deserve respect, we all do, and I hope one day we can live in a world where each one of us receives that respect and can live in a world without rape whistles, without pepper spray, and without fear. A world where we can walk alone in the dark, so that we too can see the stars.