My 21st birthday is on March 1st and I don’t take it lightly that my birthday is fast approaching. Last year, I wrote a “20 things I’ve learned” article and one of our amazing EBoard members at the time told me she and all her friends loved it. So I figured, I would write a new one, for me and you! I’ve changed a lot in the past year (hopefully for the better) and I think it’s a cool way to keep up with my journey to adulthood.
#1: Your growth is their loss
I finally lost the “freshman year friend group” this year and that was genuinely a difficult experience. When you become so close to people as you often do living together in a college setting, it can be hard to lose those connections. But, I am not who I was when I made those friends freshman year, and not everyone likes when you grow to do better for yourself. Yes, I changed, but it was to become a better and happier person not only for myself but for the people I love. Through this experience, I realized that people miss out on the better version of you when they choose to leave you for changing.
#2: Be open to Change
On the same thread, I’ve been able to devote more time to other relationships which has been really amazing. Even though my social life looks different and has some different people in it, change is not always a bad thing. It doesn’t make change less hard, but it does mean that change can actually be a positive thing. My living situation also looks different this semester as my roommate is studying abroad, and that has been a huge change but definitely an enjoyable one as having my own space has been super nice (no offense to my roommate; I absolutely love her).
#3: Buy the concert ticket
For me, concerts are my favorite thing to do. I absolutely love live music, but it can get expensive. However, I had to miss a concert for work over the summer, and I still regret it. So, buy that concert ticket or that plane ticket, do that thing you’ve always wanted to do. My sister and I already have a handful of concerts, a show, and a festival planned in the next few months and we absolutely cannot wait. Especially for Tyler the Creator’s Chromakopia tour!
#4: Don’t live your life with regrets
I never want to be the person who says, “I wish I did that when I had the chance.” Unfortunately, my plans to study abroad in Ireland this year did not pan out, but I have every intention of doing either my Master’s or Doctorate in Ireland and I cannot wait! Our lives are only so long and we should live them to the fullest while we still can!
#5: Adaptability is a gift
Especially for someone who struggles with change, it can be difficult to adapt to changing schedules, but being able to handle change and going a bit more with the flow has helped me with so many different things this year. As much as I love constantly knowing the plan and the path, loosening up has made me more open to change in plans or new courses of action.
#6: Find someone to vent to
As much as I love venting to friends and family, therapy has been such an outlet for me since high school. If you’re able to, I completely recommend seeking out therapy. Most college campuses offer counseling within your tuition if you would rather that than an independent provider. Having someone who deals with problems for a living and who just genuinely wants the best for you has been so helpful for me. Through being honest and real about what you are going through at the moment, you can find better skills to handle the situations you face.
#7: Connections are everything
In the past year, I’ve grown to really appreciate my connections, especially with professors and my supervisors at my on-campus job. In seeking summer jobs, my advisor and boss have been more than willing to provide references, answer questions, and help me out. Outside of job searching, they’re also just amazing women who I hope to keep a connection with even after my final year is done here. Finding your people on campus matters, but don’t overlook your professors and other staff on campus. They can be some of the best connections you make!
#8: Time flies when you’re having fun
Not to be super cliche, but when I came to college, I couldn’t imagine how fast time would go by. I know my senior year of high school absolutely flew by, but college has flown by even faster. I feel like I just got accepted to Stonehill, and yet, come May, I’ll officially be a senior. Even though I wouldn’t describe endless papers and insane finals as fun, every semester has had some amazing things in store for me and this sixth semester has been no different so far.
#9: What you do matters
Sometimes, I feel really insignificant, probably like most people. But over the past year, especially at my summer job, I was able to realize that what I do (and what you do) is so important. The person I am becoming was able to impact kids with epilepsy, who like me several years ago, are grappling with a diagnosis and all the things mental, physical, and social that result from receiving such a tough diagnosis.
#10: You can have more in common with others than you
think
Also because of my summer job, I found I should probably make fewer initial judgments of people and allow them to show off who they truly are to get to know them. I was concerned I was not going to get along with any of my coworkers at the start of the summer, and by the end, we were almost in tears having to say goodbye to each other. People offered up their houses for weeks to travel to camps we ran, my coworker stayed a weekend at my house because she was from out of state, and a big group of us had dinners and movie nights together. I never could have imagined how special each of the people I worked with would be for me by the end of the experience, but I’m still a little excited any time one of our group chats is active again. Be open minded to people and let them show you what they’re about.
#11: Treat yourself
I am particularly guilty of getting dessert every time I go out to eat, which might not always be the best decision. However, sometimes you deserve it! Get the dessert, the coffee, the snack, or whatever else you see as a treat! Especially after a hard day or week, it can just give you that little boost you need to get back on top of everything.
#12: Call your family
I’ve had a routine of calling (or at minimum texting) my mom every single day I’m not home since my freshman year. As much as I love it, she loves it too. Keeping in contact with people that matter to you, especially when you’re not at home is so important. I think my connectedness to my family throughout my college experience has been super pivotal for establishing what our relationships look like when I don’t live at home like I had for so many years.
#13: Have a lucky number
13 is my lucky number, I just think it’s fun to have one. Plus, when I see it out places I see it as a sign of things going well or getting better for me. Maybe it’s weird and superstitious, but it’s just something silly I’ve done for a while! Also, I had to come up with 21 things, one of them had to be at least a little ridiculous!
#14: Read in your free time
Maybe I’m biased in thinking reading is important since I am a Secondary Education and English double major (so all I do for my classes is read), but I think the books I’ve read in my free time in the last year have genuinely helped me. Last year, I read 14 books purely for fun and completely separate from my classes. This year, my goal is 16 and I’m excited to see if I can do it. I’ve always been a reader, especially when I can sit out on a beach or by a tree and read. I know reading doesn’t come naturally for many people, but it’s a way to learn new things and immerse yourself in new worlds, which are both so important. So, read more!
#15: We’re all going at our own pace
Recently I’ve said a lot that “it’s my first time being a human, I’ve never done it before, how am I supposed to do it perfectly?” This is true for everyone, we’re all doing this whole life thing for the first time (probably) so we can’t do it “perfectly”, whatever that means to us. For me, I used to beat myself up for being “behind” other people my age, but the reality is, I’ve gone through things that people my age have not gone through or may never go through and those things set me back a little in other areas. Eventually, we catch up, even though it sucks to feel behind. You’re doing the pace that’s right for you, even though you might be a little behind others, you’re ahead of them in other areas too.
#16: Stop Caring what other people think
I used to spend so much time thinking about what other people thought of me, when I should have been focused what I thought of myself. My dad tried to tell my sister and I not to let other people tell us what to think about ourselves, but as much as I tried not to, my anxiety made me believe that it mattered most what other people thought. In reality, my understanding of myself and my confidence in myself has been the most important thing for me to love myself. It can be hard to tune other people’s voices out, but what matters most is truly how you feel about yourself. As long as you’re happy where you’re at in life, things other people have to say have less of an effect on how you feel.
#17: Planning is everything
I’ve always been the person to wants to have plans in place for events. However, I struggled with scheduling myself for school, especially in the beginning of college. I’ve tried so many different ways of scheduling, but the way I’ve found is most helpful for me is using a digital calendar and sticky notes. My Outlook calendar has my school and work schedules along with when clubs I’m apart of meet, which helps me to plan when to eat and do homework. I have been using sticky notes this semester to plan out homework per day. If you want a more sustainable option, you can always do the virtual stickies on Macs, but I’ve found having a tangible list I can check off gives me a little boost to keep getting work done!
#18: Believe you can do anything
Confidence is genuinely so helpful, even though it’s something that I took years to build. I have big goals for myself because underestimating yourself is the easiest way to avoid reaching your full potential. After my first semester of college, my grades and GPA were absolutely not those of someone who could get into a Master’s and PhD program, but as a junior, I’ve worked hard every semester to get my grades to the point where graduate school will be an option for me. It has not been easy, but I took it in stride to have a goal to get to, and even once I reached my initial goal, I’m not done hoping for my future!
#19: Stop letting fear hold you back
Whether from my social anxiety or a little bit of imposter syndrome, I stole a lot of opportunities from myself out of fear. I took it in stride in the last year or two to say yes to things that scare me a little bit, and it has helped me grow as a person. Obviously, it has to be in reason, but doing things that scare you can help you grow! Especially in my role as the Senior Editor for our chapter of HerCampus, I was terrified about doing a “good enough” job and not feeling qualified enough. However, the previous editor and the rest of our EBoard are amazing people who worked to reassure that there’s a reason I’m doing it and that I am qualified for the editor role.
#20: Romantic love isn’t everything
I was definitely a “late bloomer’ as far as romantic relationships go. I didn’t have my first date until after graduating high school and my first relationship until my first semester of college. My success rate with dating apps is… less than impressive, and I have been in many a “talking stage” that goes nowhere. But what I’ve learned most during my attempts at finding love is that romantic relationships are not the only way to find and receive love. A lot of what held me back was not loving myself, and now, being at a point where I’m more confident I can see how much it was affecting my relationships that I was insecure with myself. I also think I have been able to devote more time to developing connections with friends and finding what my relationship with my family looks like as an adult. As much as romance is great, right now, it just feels like a cherry on top of all the rest of the love you should already give and receive in other relationships.
#21: Adulting is Hard, but it gets easier
What more can I say? Most people have the experience of transitioning from an adolescent to an adult. Calling doctors for my own appointments is my personal least favorite adult experience, but every time I do it, I get better and it’s less stressful. The more practice you have at something, the easier it gets. As much as some experiences make me wish I appreciated my childhood more, it’s kind of freeing to do things for yourself to. You’re in charge now, take it in stride!
So there it is, another year of things I’ve learned and used a lot! Before I know it, I’ll be making a new list of 22 things!