Whenever I begin the self-destructive cycle of comparing myself to others, it’s easy to lose sight of what’s happening and what my brain’s just tricking me into believing. Spending hours scrolling through other people’s photos and Tik Tok anecdotes can make us start to wonder- am I really the only one who hasn’t traveled the world? Is getting a job easier for everyone else? Do other people naturally have more friends than I do?
If my friend asked me one of these questions about themself, the answer would be easy- of course not. But when these types of thoughts come from our own brains, they can be a lot harder to push back against.
As a generation with unlimited access to communication platforms that keep us connected not only to our friends, but also to millions of strangers across the world, we’ve self-imposed the idea that social media allows us to take a sneak peek into other people’s lives, when in reality, we’re just seeing highlight reels- surface level snapshots that have been curated to whet our appetites. We see other people’s posts as “proof” they have everything together, which in turn causes us to redefine our own definitions of happiness. College life has retrained my brain to judge myself based on how my life matches up with others, despite the fact that I only know pieces of the story.
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about why this happens, and I recently discovered a principle called the availability heuristic that completely changed my perspective. It’s the idea that our brain’s prioritize a type of mental shortcut when it comes to assuming what’s true and what’s not that’s based on the number of examples that come to mind. Basically, when we’re able to think of a lot of examples of something, our brain makes us decide that the scenario must therefore occur often.
For example, if you’re an avid consumer of true crime, you’ll be more cautious of situations you’ve seen on tv than someone who watches it rarely. You might even find yourself overestimating the likelihood of something similar happening that in reality is a slim possibility.
In the same way, we tend to assume that things like other people’s trips, outings with friends, and generally moments of happiness occur a lot more frequently than they actually do, simply because that’s what we allow ourselves to see, a reflection of our generation’s habit of seeking out content that fuels our feelings of inferiority. We’re constantly consuming content about the highlights of people’s lives (and far less often their struggles or low points) so naturally we assume that’s all that’s out there.
This week I’m challenging myself and you to let this concept really sink and take a step back when we find ourselves comparing ourselves to unrealistic expectations. Take a moment to consider how what you’re consuming is shaping your mindset, and how you can push back against these thoughts by remembering that you’re on your own journey.