Therapy has always been a great resource for people who have issues they need to sort out or if they just need someone to talk to. As issues started to rise in my life growing up, my mom and I decided that it was time for me to find someone I can talk to. Finding a therapist is always a challenge as trying to find someone who makes you feel comfortable while also attending to your needs might not be as easy as it seems. I started off in a type of therapy called CBT or Cognitive Behavior Therapy. This is the more ‘traditional’ or most known type of therapy which is when a therapist takes a short term approach that examines the relationship between thoughts, feelings and behaviors. As it did seem to ease my feelings for a couple years, I slowly started to realize that it might not be the best solution for me. Both my therapist and I began to talk about other resources I could go to. Last year, around this time I found out about DBT. DBT or Dialectical Behavior Therapy is a type of talk therapy for people who experience emotions very intensely. Since then my life has changed forever. But what makes this type of therapy special? Could you benefit from DBT? What does DBT completely mean?
“Dialectical” means combining opposite ideas. DBT focuses on helping people accept the reality of their lives and their behaviors, as well as helping them learn to change their lives, including their unhelpful behaviors. In DBT sessions, we learn to use different skills to combat a feeling or challenge we are facing or could be facing that could cause a negative reaction or feeling associated with it. Depending on the program, there are usually 1 group session a week and a one on one session with the therapist. As someone who was seemingly terrified of having to speak in a group full of strangers, doing exercises and going through our homework brought more courage to the group than expected. Going through each group session, we went through different skills and modules while practicing each skill with an event or made up skit instead. This gave us an opportunity to see how we would’ve thought or reacted to a situation differently. Each week we would have homework on that exact skill we learned so we could implement it into our lives so later down the line we could use it without even thinking.
A lot of DBT circles around a state of Mindfulness practice. What is Mindfulness you may ask? Mindfulness is intentionally living with awareness in the present moment, living without judging or rejecting the moment, and living without attachment to the moment. As humans, our mind is constantly racing and determining things we may not understand in that current moment. Sometimes you might not notice it until you sit back and analyze why we are doing it. Staying in a constant state of Mindfulness is a lot harder than it seems as without the proper realization, we may be doing it at random times. A Mindfulness skill I personally like to use is staying in a state of Wise Mind which is the idea that you are seeking both reason and emotion in a situation. Here are a quick exercise we learn in therapy that could be helpful to you:
A snowflake on the lake: imagine that you are by a clear blue lake on a beautiful sunny day. Then imagine that you are a small flake of stone, flat and light. Imagine that you have been tossed out onto the lake and are now gently, slowly, floating through the calm, clear blue water to the lake’s smooth, sandy bottom.
- Notice what you see, what you feel as you float down, perhaps in slow circles, floating toward the bottom. As you reach the bottom of the lake, settle your attention there within yourself.
- Notice the serenity of the lake; become aware of the calmness and quiet deep within.
- As you reach the center of yourself, settle your attention there.
What were you feeling as you read that? Was your mind completely focused on that image and feeling of the stone? Did the thought of having that midterm anxiety leave your mind for a second? Staying in a constant state of Wise mind is hard but learning how to use Mindfulness skills will help in the long run.
As someone who has always felt very high emotions, sometimes I wasn’t able to assess my feelings and know how to respond to them in the appropriate way. Therapy has always been seen as a cliche, only people who have ‘serious problems’ go to therapy. This exact type of thought process to therapy is a type of way someone who should be using DBT skills. Having a negative association with something without even trying it could impact your life. What if that person really did need therapy and they just chose to ignore it cause they didnt wanna look like they have a ‘serious problem’? DBT will always be an effective tool for any and all people especially those with high anxiety, depression, personality disorders, ect. I suggest finding someone near you that specializes in DBT to see if it feels right for you. There are no losses when seeking help, only gains.
To my DBT therapist, Rebecca Heroz: You have made me see the world differently, it would take a million lifetimes to repay how much you have changed my life. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to live life to the fullest.