We don’t realize it but the heaviness on one’s shoulders from the pain of someone else’s actions is truly the hardest to move on from. Whether it be a cheating boyfriend, a fight with a good friend, a parent who acts more like the child forcing you to be the parent, or even someone being in and out of your life and leaving you to question if it’s something you’re doing wrong that makes them keep leaving. The best but hardest thing to do is forgive them. Even if they don’t deserve it, the act of forgiving them is more to allow the weight of their action to be lifted from you and release that pain from your heart.
IMAGE CREDIT: Ideals Counseling
Over the years I have held on to the anger caused by others. That anger eventually does come out and in ways unwanted. I’ve learned that even though they may not deserve the forgiveness, it’s the best way to release the pain caused by the anger towards them.
Recently, I went through a rough relationship in which ultimately ended, as well as stepping back from a toxic familial relationship. I didn’t realize I needed to walk away from these relationships until after I was in car accident. Days after the car accident my eyes were truly opened to the issues in my relationships and I finally believed all the things being told to me about how toxic these relationships were to my mental and emotional health.
However, I hadn’t released the anger or pain that was caused as a result of all the hurtful actions done by them. So, in hopes to rid myself, even if only it helped a little bit, of the hurt I finally decided I needed to forgive them for their actions but not forget them. In forgiving them for their actions I was able to move on with better myself mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically.
So far, I am just a little over a month into my journey of bettering myself. I may not be as happy as I want to be yet, but I’m getting there. So far, I have managed to lose 11 or so pounds (haven’t had a chance to do another weight check since being back in school) by just drinking water and not eating all the unhealthy stuff I use to. Not only that, but I am back in counseling, because Saint Vincent is great and offers free counseling, which is just another step into helping my mental and emotional health.
IMAGE CREDIT: Recovery Connection
If you’re someone going through a similar situation here are some ways that helped me. Forgiving yourself is going to be one of the hardest tasks. One of the ways I was able to help forgive myself was by meditating in all honesty. Every day, after I was in my car accident, I would listen to mediation music while I slept and found that it improved my overall mood every day. Not only that, but I find that music is one of the greatest therapies. I love music and I love to sing so I found that doing both was a great way to boost my mood. Alongside music and meditation, doing some self-love activities was always a great way to help with boosting my mood and making me feel better about myself. Doing things like face masks, putting make-up on and taking some cute selfies, and getting back into things I love doing, like writing and journaling. Sometimes the best self-care in helping to achieve a better emotional and mental state is to do what you love. When dealing with the situation, seeing the person, or even having other people talk about them with or around you, what I found helps to stay calm and not just burst into tears or rage is to take a step back and use the sensory method to calm down. This method commonly used when dealing with sensory overloads or when someone is having a panic/anxiety attack. This sensory method is something I usually use to calm myself down in high anxiety inducing situation and is something my mom taught me to do. So, it is a count back from five. You find 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear. And 1 thing you can taste. In using this method, I can ground myself and calm down so that way I can handle the situations at hand. I hope these methods can be useful to someone out there going through similar situations.
IMAGE CREDIT: The Aspirations Institute
Love always,
Julia