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Mm Ya Ya: Why it is Important to Distinguish Between Love & Sex

This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at St Olaf chapter.

Sex and love often go hand-in-hand, but they are hardly the same thing. We are lucky to live in a time where female independence and sexuality is becoming increasingly mainstream. Along with that continued reclamations of the vagina comes the importance of separating love and sex.

Distinguishing between the two can be a very fine line, but making the choice to compartmentalize is quite liberating. When you do this, sex becomes an independent factor, separated from emotions and therefore allows for a more objective reflection of the experience. In turn, it is easier to recognize what feels good and what you want from a sexual encounter. For example, many women have been known to fake an orgasm in order to avoid hurting their partner’s feelings. Setting that aside, allows for the pursuit of a more fulfilling experience.

Furthermore, it helps fight the guilt that comes with the double standard that women are held to.  Society has lumped together love and sex for most of history, and as women we are still expected to save ourselves for marriage, and if it’s not that extreme, we are still held to a prudish standard. That standard is that sex, for women, is saved for committed relationships…love. Perhaps the guilt that many some women feel after a one-night stand, or casual fling, stems from this idea. Distinguishing sex as sex places encounters in a realm that’s purpose is pleasure. Finally, the separation of love and sex helps us find better relationships. Let’s set sex aside this time. Sex can be confusing and often blurs with emotions. How often do we confuse passion with love? Sometimes the sex is great, and that is great, but if there is nothing beyond that, perhaps the relationship isn’t working. Being able to objectively separate your personal meaning of sex and love is a skill rooted in self-respect.