Sex. We need to talk about it. St. John’s needs to talk about it. According to a 2016 study by Trojan (yes, the condom company), St. John’s is the second worst university in the country for sexual health resources. Yikes. That’s really not good. For some perspective other universities offer HIV Testing, birth control, and free condoms. For a major university in a metropolitan area, the school has really slacked on giving students the resources they need to make informed decisions on their sexual health. So as an almost lifetime Catholic school girl who had to teach herself everything, here’s some small pieces of advice.
1. Forget the Shame
You deserve a sex life that physically and mentally makes your life better. If you grew up or went to high school in an environment that didn’t respect your views on sexuality, college is a wonderful time to shed any guilt or shame you’ve been conditioned to feel about sex. Sex is normal and healthy, and you are not any “kind of girl” for wanting it or having it.
2. Watch What You Say
With that in mind, keep the words “slut” and “whore” out of your vocabulary! If there is a girl who you have beef with, her sexuality is not your weapon. While some people truly just suck, when you ridicule another girl for enjoying sex you are taking yourself and all women down. If she really gets under your skin that much, you should have something else to say about her.
3. Take Into Account Your Mental Health
Make sure to always mentally check in with yourself. While nobody should be allowed to make you feel bad for your sexual choices, it is always good to ask yourself if YOU are comfortable with the choices you’re making. Are you and your partner(s) respecting each other? Are you respecting your own boundaries and making sexual choices that benefit you both physically and mentally? Are you not having any kind of sex life because of something residual? Your body and your mind need to work together.
4. It Can Be a Little Awkward
People tend to overemphasize their sex lives, most of the time to convince themselves they’re getting something better than they actually are. Good sex or bad sex, sex is always a slightly awkward. It’s very personal encounter with another human being, even if it’s somebody you love. Having a lot of it is not inherently better. If you don’t think you’re missing anything, you’re probably not.
5. Safety is Key
And possibly the most important, and this includes girls who may be having sex with other girls: BE SAFE! That doesn’t mean just condoms. If you’ve yet to hear otherwise, the pullout method is not a form of contraception! The failure rate on that is currently about 27%, which means you have about a 3/10 chance of getting pregnant. Not good odds at all. Along with that is the “natural family planning method” which involves closely tracking your period and ovulation. Most women slip up at least once, making the failure rate about 25%. Planned Parenthood has excellent resources on pretty much all forms of birth control, and it does offer services if you don’t have insurance. Yes, going to Planned Parenthood for birth control is an inconvenience, but so is going there for an abortion. May as well get it out of the way now.
Stay safe, stock up on condoms, and enjoy your life! Just remember, take care of yourself in every way possible.