Unfortunately, during this quarantine in the tri-state area, relationships have been put to the test. I am one of them that lost a relationship. Dealing with heartbreak alone is one of the hardest things that one can do. Friends cannot be there to support and comfort you with the stereotypical tub of ice cream, and no distractions like work or school are available to help the healing process go along. I have learned, through the difficulty of being alone during these troubling times, that you should be your top priority.
Being one of those heartbroken people, I have learned some ways to help myself get through these times. From one heartbroken person to another, do not tackle this pain alone, it is one of the worst things you can do for yourself.
Here are some ways that I found helps in the troubling healing process of transitioning back to being alone, single, and available:
1. Turn your overanalyzing into self-discovery
After a breakup, you are likely to analyze, obsess, evaluate, review, and dissect (I sure have done that too many times to admit). You will spend a lot of time going over every red flag, significant conversation, and argument you ever had. Try not to “what if” yourself. Instead, the best option is to use this time to examine what your patterns are in relationships. What in your past may have led you to make unhealthy choices? What can you take away from this experience to have a better relationship next time? I truly believe there is no such thing as a wasted relationship, as long as you learn from it, no matter how short or long the relationship was. For me, it was all just overthinking and now I have learned that overthinking is the worst thing you could do for your mental health.
2. Keep in mind the breakup cycle
Unfortunately, this process is the way that all grief works, especially breakups. During the process of letting go, the biggest emotional trip and the possible downfall of emotions starts at the denial stage. The usual actions during the denial stage are going out with friends to a bar, or hanging with friends and doing something you love to do with them, but during quarantine, you cannot do that. During my process, I skipped over denial and I am still teetering between the anger, bargaining, and depression stages of this process. I was in a three-year relationship, and it came crashing down, out of left-field, and it has been a struggle doing this alone. You have to keep your head up, talk to friends, you may not be able to go out with your friends, but group FaceTime calls may help.
3. Check-in on your ex…ONCE
This situation is tough for everyone, and it might be a good thing to check up on the ones you care about, including your ex. My ex has been my best friend for years, so I still care about him and this is the best thing you can do. People may be a little lonely, confused, and frustrated during this time, and checking up on each other is essential, but YOU HAVE TO keep all communication positive. No fighting especially during this time. And just because this situation occurred, it does not mean your ex will want to communicate or want to get back together with you, you have to keep that fact in mind. You have to let them know you are there for them as a friend, but after that, you need to let them go again. This breakup is not going to change because of current circumstances, some exes might reach out of loneliness. Feeling lonely is the new normal during these times of being stuck at home, so keep in mind that everyone feels alone and weird right now, and it is important to be considerate of others’ emotions, but most importantly, you must put your own emotions first, because YOU ARE ENOUGH.
4. Keep in mind these mantras.
During this time, my mother has been there for me, but almost everyone will tell you to tell yourself these same things. You may want to write them down, or even print these out and look at them every day because it helps. They are:
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.
YOU ARE AMAZING.
YOU ARE ENOUGH.
THIS IS ONLY TEMPORARY.
These mantras have been really helping me get through every day because a breakup can make you feel insecure, as well as, even more alone.
5. Reach out to friends who will actually respond
Now this one is crucial, not all of your friends will want to video chat or text, or some might not even know what to say to you. Do not frustrate yourself trying to stay in contact with friends who won’t reply or will leave you hanging (I learned that the hard way). Make a list of the friends who are there for you, who always reply, and who always seem eager to talk to you, and contact them the most frequently. This is crucial for you to be able to recover and accept the effects of this pain. Do not repetitively contact the friends who will not reply. Keep in mind that, they can still be your friends, but they will not make you feel most fulfilled during this time and can actually make you feel more lonely.
6. Get dressed and shower or take a bath every day
Staying in your bed for weeks straight is the worst thing to do for yourself during this time. I keep pushing myself to get out of my bed and do something every day and it has helped. You have to push yourself to get up and around. I have been taking up running, yoga, and art to keep myself occupied without work or school. Taking a bath is very relaxing and can help you and your mind rest during this time of overthinking and mind racing. Use some time for self-care because your mind and body work together.
Please use these, and just remember: you are enough, and not alone.