Listen to Amaiya’s “Letter to My Freshman Self” Spotify playlist.Â
Dear Amaiya,
At 18 years old in 2021, you braced your biggest fears and left your hometown, Columbia, MD, to embark on our transformative college journey at St. John’s University in Queens, NY. I know this was not the path you initially expected and have no idea what lies ahead, but I know you have envisioned leaving college as someone unrecognizable—confident, self-assured, successful and genuinely in love with yourself, with precise insight into the next chapters of our story. “Four years fly by,” everyone says, and you scoff and brush such sentiments off until the years fade, now standing in the shoes of those who told the tale. Now, at 21-years-old, the swift passing of time resembles tape recorders that reel emotions, memories, “failures,” lessons and “what ifs” to sift through, admitting that the end of many beginnings is drawing to a close.
Dear 18-year-old me,Â
You have no idea how many shocks, twists, turns and realizations are waiting to be unveiled. You applied as an Anthropology major, switched to Government & Politics before attending St. John’s, but changed to Communications before your second semester began, and you are graduating with a B.S. in Communication Arts, with three minors in Social Justice Theory, Italian and International Studies. I am ecstatic to share that we are now enrolled at Boston College to pursue a master’s in International Higher Education this fall, for free! Our five-year-old self longed to be the first in our family to graduate from college after learning about higher education in the 2008 Disney film, “College Road Trip,” and I am over the moon to share that we did it! This journey was nothing short of unpredictable, emotionally taxing, rewarding and transformative. Throughout the heartbreaks, confusion, stress, despair and anxiety, these past four years have taught me that true metamorphosis transpires in the most difficult challenges by proving our inherent diligence, determination, grace, resilience and power.
Dear Amaiya,Â
Little do you know, your 21-year-old self yearns for the careless, whimsical and creative “jumpiness” our younger self so brazenly displayed. We have always been told that we are “all over the place,” “indecisive,” and that our dreams are “too big,” we “must” be realistic! Achieving your dreams and seeing the end goal is realistic, and we have finally begun to accept our “loftiest” aspirations as worthy of being chased. Did you ever think that you would be able to speak Italian? This still baffles me every day. Did you ever think you would be able to say you have traveled to over 15 countries by the age of 20? Also, this still baffles me every day. Did your declarations of being a first-generation college student feel far out of reach? I know in your most trying moments, you questioned what all of the stress, heartache, loneliness, and “short-lived” joy was worth—but I am so grateful you held onto our dreams, blazed your own trail, tore the constraints and persisted to college graduation. I know it was difficult, and I often ponder, “How did I do it?” “How am I still here?” “Did I make the right choice?” If there’s a will, there’s a way!
Dear Amaiya,
Words can’t express how incredibly proud I am of you. To all freshmen, sophomores, juniors and anyone who may be questioning which route to take, always remember that unforeseen paths emerge by taking one step forward. Lead with what feels right for you, and only you, in the present moment. The constant redirects on my academic path, ever-changing career goals and almost all of my dreams have garnered disapproval from others, but the loudest critic was the nagging, pessimistic, soul-crushing voice that once plagued my mind. Despite the anxious feelings that arise when contemplating where to move next, remember it is okay to feel lost, scared, confused and excited all at once. We must always remember that the most significant journey is the one we take toward our true selves by trusting our instincts and believing in the larger plan. Four years later, I am still uncovering what the larger plan entails for me. Yet, every day I am grateful to rediscover elements of myself that drive me closer to the Amaiya that my child self envisioned, and that is all that matters in the end.Â
Dear Amaiya,
Your college graduation is just weeks away. I am still in disbelief that the ride is almost over. Remember that it will forever be okay to change your mind, switch directions and lead from within. It would not be a proper goodbye to Her Campus at St. John’s if the wise prose of Lana del Rey wasn’t included, but I advise everyone to hold these lyrics tight when the next step feels treacherous, discombobulating, frightening or uncertain, because the most insightful lessons come from experiencing the unknown path ahead. “When you’re right, you’re right. When you’re right, you’re right. Even when you’re wrong” (from “Paris, Texas” by Lana del Rey).Â
“Leap, and the net will appear.” – John Burroughs, American naturalist and essayist.