As a self-proclaimed birthday hater, it has taken me 20 years to finally say…that I don’t hate my birthday anymore?
Like many women my age, I’ve been on a journey when it comes to my birthday. As a kid, birthdays were amazing. I’d daydream in class about what theme my party would be, where it would be, and what flavor cupcake we’d have (I always chose red velvet). It was all so magical. But as I got older, birthdays brought more anxiety than excitement. Between the pressure to have the perfect day and the lingering dread of getting older, the cake in my stomach always sat beside a bottomless, uneasy pit. And I wasn’t alone. Scrolling through TikTok and Instagram, I saw tons of posts echoing sentiments like “Hot girls cry on their birthdays,” or “Does anyone else HATE their birthday??” As far as I saw it, each year as I got older and older, I was getting further and further away from the simplicity, innocence, and ease of childhood. In other words, I was getting closer and closer to the complexity, responsibility, and weight of adulthood.
This hit especially hard as I reached the ages of 17, 18, and 19, and the pressures of university loomed. It felt like each year brought new decisions, each one more high-stakes than the last: What universities should I apply to? What should I study? Where should I study? The pressure to have it all together and know exactly what to do was too overwhelming, too real. As negative as it sounds, I used to view my birthdays through the lens of what I was losing. That was until my most recent birthday.
I turned 20 last week, and it felt like an important enough birthday to warrant a little more reflection than usual. In looking back on this past year and thinking about the upcoming one, something dawned on me: I have gained a lot. Since I turned 19 last September, I have a new home, new friends, and a new community in a completely new country. While it may be evident to some, it truly made me realize that each birthday brings a collection of new experiences, relationships, and lessons, and we should start defining birthdays by what we gain, not by what we’re leaving behind.
Reframing birthdays as an accumulation, not as a loss, reminds you of the things you should be grateful for. I, for one, am grateful that with my 20th year comes a new flat, new friends, and new experiences. Yes, I am getting closer to adulthood, but I am also gaining even more independence. Plus, adulting can be exciting! Making your own doctor’s appointments, while daunting at first, can be kind of…fun? Going grocery shopping, budgeting, and setting up your wifi can all feel empowering. Why not romanticise it?
Shifting your perspective on birthdays can help ease the pressure to have one perfect day by redirecting the focus away from just a single moment and toward the entire year and everything it brings. Personally, I like to treat my birthday like any other day, with the minor exception of setting aside time to write in my journal. Reflecting, setting intentions, and outlining my goals for the year helps highlight the positives, develop gratitude, and start the year on a motivated, more purposeful note. Getting older is a privilege, and adopting this mindset serves as a reminder of that.
If you couldn’t tell already, I am a deeply nostalgic person, and I don’t think that will ever go away. I’ll always reminisce about the days when my biggest worries were which snack to trade at recess or which crayon to use for the sky. The word “LinkedIn” will probably always give me chills. But shifting my mindset around birthdays (and growing up in general) has helped me hold space for both the fun of the past and the excitement of the future. It reminds me that aging doesn’t mean losing who I used to be; it means growing by adding new experiences, realizations, and moments to the person I already am. And that feels worth celebrating.