Shaving: To Bush Hog or To Cultivate?


For whatever reason, shaving down there was a big deal in highschool/early college. In highschool it was something my girlfriends and I were very curious as to what guys preferred. Conversations ranged from, “what, why?” to “wtf I cut myself I want to die.”

In college I know someone who flaunts disco bush and I’ve had a friend whose boyfriend wouldn’t even touch her unless she was bald. Most of us fall somewhere between these two extremes. Let me tell you how to shave yourself--hopefully you’re doing this for yourself and not because you’re dating the body police.

Shave That Thing

Basically be in the shower, smear some conditioner, hide the goods with your finger and shave around what you’re holding. Make sure all hairs and product are off you by the time you towel off.

Now to prevent razor burn: next time you shower, scrub EXTERNAL AREAS ONLY with your loofa. This prevents the hairs from getting ingrown. Only scrub your “mound” and where your thighs meet your torso. Do not SCRUB your vulva, seriously ever. Vaginas get mad if you move and shove fluid/soap in the wrong areas. If your body is prone to red bumps, there are more in-depth ways to ensure smooth skin. Though, I’m not too sure about that second to last paragraph.

Don’t Shave That Thing

Or you know, never shave. Seriously it’s not going to hurt anything. Hair falls out after a certain length so unless you’re just gifted then you’ll never have to be braiding Gandalf’s beard to get dressed in the morning. Anyway, it’s called a mustache ride for a reason, and not because every man is Ron Swanson.

Shaved VS Unshaved

One is really not better than the other. Here are some things I’ve heard in defense of one versus the other:

Ew bald is prepubescent/natural is so much more womanly than pretending to be a little girl.

I understand that youth is the very unhealthy standard of feminine beauty. But this argument never made sense to me. Shaved crotches are no less womanly than unshaven. Plus if you ever see fully grown, mature-adult-woman vulva lips on a little girl, one or both of you need to go to the doctor.

Ew hair is dirty I like my girls to be hygienic.

Someone who doesn’t shower isn’t hygienic. Hair and soap aren’t mutually exclusive. I used to have a boyfriend whose glorious beard would trap in the smell of his shampoo. It was nice.

But hair traps in smell

Yes it does. This doesn’t mean it’s dirty, just that it’s more like a greenhouse, less like an open field.

But Really Though, Trimming is Always an Option

Use scissors, trimmers, or just shave monthly. If I had to guess, most women are between completely bald and 70’s Playboy. Everyone has their preference, but the only thing that matters if how you feel comfortable maintaining your body. Afterall, most people won’t see how you shape up your nethers. Not shaving your legs or armpits is a different story.