As a woman in today’s society, it is so difficult to look at ourselves with love. I know I’m not the only person who looks in the mirror and finds every flaw that I can, every imperfection that I wish I could do without, and compare myself to every person who I pass by on-campus, at my job, or even at the dentist’s office. It’s never-ending… until today.
I’m here to give you my top four suggestions for looking at yourself with the admiration that you deserve and knowing that you ARE beautiful, no matter what the bully inside your head will say sometimes.
- Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
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Like I said before, I have a feeling that nearly every person reading this article has compared themselves to others. If you’re anything like me, you would do it with nearly every single person you pass in your daily lives, and yes, this includes the dentist’s office.
As hard as it may be, though, the only way you will EVER be able to love yourself is to stop comparing yourself to those around you. When you are walking down the street or to your next class, try to distract yourself with something productive instead. Think of tasks you need to work on, events in your life that are coming up, or what you have on the agenda for the rest of your day. Spend the time you would be using to compare yourself to others on something to make your day as productive and positive as it can be!
Another thing to think of is that you wouldn’t want someone to compare themselves to you and think anything negative about you or themselves, so why do it to yourself? And this doesn’t just go for physical comparisons, but also professional and mental comparisons as well. Know that you are just as worthy of your positions, roles, and responsibilities as anyone else in your same shoes. You don’t feel as smart as that girl sitting in front of you in class? Well, guess what? You’re both in the same class! You feel like that guy will be better at the profession you both want to go into? Well, you both are going into that field and both will be receiving a diploma. No one is more (or less) worthy of the titles that you share with someone else, so forget about the imposter syndrome and start realizing that you’ve done the same amount of work to get to where you are!
- Surround Yourself with Positivity
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This is, perhaps, the most important step in allowing yourself to love and feel loved in return: Stop allowing yourself to be surrounded by people and social media that clouds your judgment of “perfect.”
“Perfect” simply does not exist, no matter how hard our current society tries to tell us that it does. One of the best things that I have done for my mental health is to abandon the social media accounts that promote toxic ideals of female beauty. Unfollow the accounts that make you feel bad about yourself. If you’re scrolling through Instagram and come across a post that makes you feel belittled or self-conscious in any way, unfollow them immediately. This is toxic posting at its worst and doesn’t deserve the attention of someone who is trying to find love for themselves.
In the same vein, if there are people in your life (not on a screen) who do not bring you positivity, you may need to reflect on the relationships. Particularly, if there is a person in your life who brings you anxiety, negative emotions, or downright upsets you, then it’s time to establish boundaries with said person and potentially cut them out of your life. I have certainly had friends who made unwarranted comments on my body and it did wonders for my self-esteem and confidence to have them out of my life for good.
Lastly, I would strongly suggest following body and mind positivity social media pages. There are many influencers who utilize their platforms to promote self-love and have truly had a strong impact on the positive view that I have of myself. So, get out there and find the people who make you feel amazing on the inside!
- Take Your Own Advice
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How often have you had a friend come to you because they were struggling with their image? And how often have you given those friends advice on coping with their negative thoughts and told them how truly beautiful they are on the inside and outside? My assumption is that it’s been quite often. So, take your own advice!
I know this is much easier said than done, but I promise that once you begin listening to yourself, you may just start being able to let what you say sink in. So, the next time you find yourself giving a friend advice on loving themselves, be sure to listen carefully to what you are saying and try to absorb your own words for yourself, as well as your friend. And this may have come without saying, but still:
- A Challenge for You
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My last piece of advice is actually a challenge for anyone reading this: The next time you look at yourself in the mirror, I want you to point out at least five things that you love about yourself. These can be both physical and internal things that you can appreciate about yourself.
Once you have found these five things, focus on them for that day or week, and then find five more. When you find yourself struggling, I further challenge you to change your point of view. When you begin to fixate on the parts of yourself that you view as “flaws,” make an active effort to look at them from a different perspective. For example, the next time you look at your skin and can only find imperfections such as spots, acne, or redness, think instead to thank your skin for all that does for you. Your skin holds you together each and every day, regulates your temperature, and gives you your sense of touch. The next time you pinch your cute belly and think badly about its appearance, think about all the amazing things it does to keep you going during the day, like processing calories to give you the energy to live your life and do fun things!
Everything that makes up your body and mind, “flaws” and “imperfections” included, are the things that allow you to live your life to the fullest. So, rather than being cruel to these parts of yourself, thank them for all that they have done for you the next time you see them in the mirror.