Food is a necessity. We need it to live. This is one of the first things I remember learning about it when I was younger. That, and it just tasted good. Waffles and ice cream for breakfast just for no reason always meant I would have a good day. My snow days always had to include hot chocolate that was overflowing with whipped cream. And let’s not forget pizza, in which I would probably eat every night if given the choice while growing up. Overtime, however, this exciting way of viewing food began to dull. I started to think of food as the root of weight gain or weight loss. I defined it in terms of calories rather than in terms of which item on the menu will best satisfy my pasta cravings. For a bit of time, food was something that was a source of anxiety for me rather than the source of happiness it had been when I was younger.
After years of allowing the media to define my relationship with food in a negative way, I started to follow influencers for their positive views on eating, not just because they were my “ideal” body type. I replaced my addiction to “What I Eat in a Day to Lose Weight” videos with “What I Eat in a Day to Make me Feel Good”. Although seemingly very small, this shift from demonizing food to using it as a way to promote happiness helped to redefine my relationship with food. I started to reclaim the definitions of food that I subscribed to when I was younger. I began to realize that food is fuel and that I can still eat foods that make me happy and still stay “healthy”.
Not only did following these positive role models make me realize that food is meant to fuel my body, but they taught me how to do so. These influencers do not count calories, but use intuitive eating to eat what they feel their bodies need. Once I decided to apply this concept to my eating patterns, I started to enjoy food much more. I was no longer eating salad so I could stay within a calorie deficit, but I was eating it because it was what I craved and what made me feel good. I now enjoy food without obsessively tracking my calories in MyFitnessPal and no longer feel guilty for eating over my calorie “limit” because I have none. I eat when I’m hungry and stop when I am full, a change that has made all the difference.
In terms of how I specifically executed intuitive eating, I started to cook my own food. As with every other habit that I have picked up, this does not work for everyone. This specifically works for me because I have found a love for cooking and baking. I use it as a way to channel my creativity and to destress. I now look forward to my morning smoothie bowls rather than dreading whatever bland low calorie soup I used to have for lunch. When I cook food for myself I get to think of it in this positive context rather than a calorie obsessed one.
I cannot say that I am completely in the mindset of how I was as a child, but I can say that I have grown and improved in the way that I view food. I am not perfect. I still feel the need to “healthify” my baking recipes. I still sometimes look at a nutrition label for a bit too long. I will still decline a trip to Cookout with my friends. In all honesty I do not know how to completely fix a flawed relationship with food, but what I have learned is that it takes balance as a starting point. Ordering late night milkshakes and some white cheddar bites every once in a while will not have any affect on my body in the future. I do not want to miss out on a world of late night snacks and ice cream runs because I am afraid of a number on a scale. I will continue to take these small steps in improving my relationship with food because I now have the perspective to realize that food is happiness, it is fuel, and it is so much more than calories.