Ah, 8 a.m.s. You seem to rear your ugly head sooner than anyone could ever want, but you are inevitable. With you comes the beginning of yet another week of stress, looking like a creature from the Walking Dead and needing an ungodly amount of Starbucks’ coffee. No matter how much we want to miss your never-ending torture, the fear of failing keeps you around like a clingy ex-boyfriend. However, to have you is to have a degree, so we must endure through your continuous misery (at least Monday through Friday) to be able to have the USC Alum sticker on our mini-vans in the near future.
8 a.m.s this is an ode to you – and the thoughts that run across every college student’s brain as they prepare for your torment.
1. “How many absences do I have in this class, again?”
To the student who attempts at perfect attendance, shame on you. How dare you defame the integrity of us who enjoy sleep more than early morning lectures. Truth be told – sometimes we even question if the docked grade is worth the extra hour of rest.
2. “But… do I REALLY need my degree?”
No denial. The 30-second period in between listening to my alarm clock ring uncontrollably and deciding to punch stop has me questioning why I attend college to begin with.
3. “Whelp, here comes another day of people asking me if I am sick.”
No, I do not need to make an appointment at the Health Center. Yes, I do need to return to bed to be able to privilege the world with the best version of myself.
4. “If I am going to be late, might as well look presentable.”
Routine: Wake up 20 minutes after the alarm clock sounds. Begin to rush through morning rituals. Question the meaning of life. Realize you’re going to be late, anyway. Continue getting ready as if you have an extra hour.
5. “Do you think people would notice if I wore this T-shirt last week?”
Even if they did, washing machines are a universal knowledge, right?
6. “I am never taking another 8 a.m. again.”
Yet, whenever class registration time rolls around, there always seems to be a need each semester after another.
7. “I am already up anyway, so might as well go.”
No matter how hard we buck, 8 a.m.s are imminent. To never experience one, is to never experience the woes of college.
Oh, 8 a.m.s, how we love to hate you and can’t wait to never take you again.