It’s been 3 months since I’ve taken my clothes off for anyone and I’ve never felt so empowered.
I used to feel empowered by doing just the opposite. I didn’t know how to command respect, however I knew the difference between that and demanding it. It’s been a month and a half since I finally figured out I had to let go of someone. It was the first time I didn’t immediately want to find someone new. I had to give myself time, because I didn’t know how to get over someone. I started to blame myself for the way things ended, and how I thought I wasn’t doing enough to save the relationship. The fact is, I was actually doing too much.
Saying goodbye is, so far, one of the hardest things I’ve ever done next to watching one of the most important people in my life die. I’m only nineteen and I know that more heartbreak and sadness is coming my way. That’s why after figuring out I had to let this person go, I decided to devote myself to self love and self care. It’s like everyone always says, “If you don’t love yourself, no one else is going to love you”. The “love” I shared with this person a while ago was filled with doubts, questions, and rules. I knew that I loved myself, but after these last few months I’ve learned to love and appreciate myself in a whole new way.
I always knew I was an independent person, but I’m starting to find new levels of what independent really means. I’m learning to stand up for myself and be the best version of myself, and while that may not be super skinny and fit, or super popular, I’m finding my own ways that are much more important to me. The second I took a step back from needing sexual attention in order to feel valid as a human being, I felt free and I hadn’t felt that free in a long time. It took me some time to realize that I was probably better off alone for a while. If I was going to be serious about this self love journey, that had to be the first step.
My self love is a work in progress…