Right Now, I'm Sad.

Right now, I’m sad. And that’s okay.

 

My day was going well, I woke up before my alarm. Went to one class and presented in the next. I even joined a video for the Marketing Department. I was getting work done, made an amazing lunch, things were looking good. But my energy dropped and I got tired. Nothing set it off but I felt myself fading. I decided to take a quick nap before yoga class. I expected to wake up feeling refreshed and ready to go! Instead, I woke up feeling more tired and sad.

 

Like someone had hurt my feelings while I slept.

 

The type of sad that makes you want to pout, but you don’t really know why.

 

The type where you just feel like you need a hug.

 

What the fuck.

 

Instantly I became more sad, because I was sad that I did not feel refreshed, ever heard of a snowball effect? I took a deep breath and before the tears came I decided to approach it a different way. I decided my body was too tired and my brain too sad to go to yoga, so I curled up a little lower in my sheets. I felt my comfy pillows, the blanket my Mom knit me, and how warm I was under the covers. I allowed myself to stay there, to be present, and to nurture my body. 

I listened to my body a little more, I wasn’t hungry and I just slept, two important things were taken care of. I decided to get out of bed and at least sit downstairs where my roommates were. I put on big grey sweatpants, a matching grey sweatshirt, and my coziest slippers. I went downstairs and was greeted by one of my roommates who asked how my nap was.

 

“Honestly, I woke up more tired and sad.”

“Aww, is everything okay?”

“I think so, I just feel kinda down.”

 

Usually I deal with my emotions on my own. But in this new approach to being sad I decided I should see what happened when I told someone. We talked about why I might be sad, was it schoolwork, was I getting my period, is it just one of those days? And honestly it’s all of that. College is hard and overwhelming and sometimes you’re just sad. Getting your period doesn’t help with any of that. 

 

After talking it out a little I decided my next step was to make a yummy, warm dinner. It’s getting cold outside and I knew getting something warm in my belly would comfort me. So I took out all the pots and pans and ingredients and despite how tired I was, I cooked. I made my plate look pretty. I even had enough to make a lunch for tomorrow. I even cleaned as I went so I didn’t have a pile of dishes to wash after. Woah. That felt good. And the food tasted amazing. I did that, even though I’m sad. 

 

More roommates came home and learned that I was feeling blue. Do you know what they did? They showered me with love. One roommate gave me a back massage, one pet my head, one told me about the funny things that happened to her today, and they all sat with me. In my sadness. We laughed at memes, I got teary eyed, we talked. I was still sad, but I wasn’t alone. They didn’t force me to cheer up or get over it. They sat with me right where I was. And right now, I’m sad. It’s okay to be sad, it’s okay to let yourself be sad. But don’t stay there for too long. Make choices, even if they’re small, that you know your body and mind will thank you for. My first choice was to lay in bed a little longer and listen to my body. 

 

And now it’s been a couple hours, I’m still sad, but not as sad. I’ll continue to listen to my body and hear what it needs. I might even cry a little tonight. But I’ll also be a little more thankful tonight for warm blankets, warm dinners, and warm hugs from friends. Tomorrow will be different and hopefully better, but right now, I’m sad. And that is okay.  

 

Image Sources:

 

Image 1: https://www.women.com/ashleylocke/lists/eeyore-quotes-062019 

Image 2: https://www.theodysseyonline.com/6-reasons-why-your-blanket-is-better-than-your-boyfriend 

Image 3: https://media.giphy.com/media/AjWhQj2GGBnH2/giphy.gif