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Open Letter To My Anxiety

To My Anxiety,

    For years I feared you and your control of me. You brought me on this roller coaster- and sometimes, I was unable to get off. You defined me. I was my anxiety. The endless thoughts, racing through my head about the future, the past and the now. The feelings of doubt and despair that paralyzed me into never leaving my bed. The times when the room would spin and nothing was going right. The sleepless nights of worrying. I thought there was something wrong with me and I was incurable. Little did I know, I was wrong.

    You were always so sneaky too. For days or even weeks, I would be great. But then out of nowhere you would strike. In the car, in bed, in class or worse, in a public place. Feelings of suffocation and sweat coursed through me. There would be no end. Every deep breath I took would be insufficient in filling my lungs- not breathing would push me further into panic.


    I let you control me. I thought there was no way out. I let you ruin me. But still I owe you a thank you. You made me stronger. From my breaking points, when I would crumble, I learned to build myself up. I learned that I am stronger than you will ever be because I am not defined by you. I do not identify with you anymore. I have anxiety but I am not my anxiety. You motivate me to be better and you taught me that I am more than my panic attacks, racing thoughts, and feelings of suffocation.

    And there will still be bad days and good days. And I will forever be on this roller coaster of ups and downs. But I no longer let those downs be who I am. I am stronger and I will not let you defeat me.


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