A trendy and cute slim-fitting jean skirt.
It was once my favorite skirt. Covered in patches of blue connected by a zipper that started at the bottom of my spine and dropped below my butt.
“Where is your skirt from?” I constantly received compliments from other girls for its uniqueness. And being a first year student having people notice me was a big deal.
But here I am, two years later, wishing I was never noticed in that skirt.
If you asked me two years ago did I think that wearing a tight skirt would cause an immature drunk boy to pull my skirt zipper down from behind me, I would tell you no. But I guess I should have known better.
It was one of my first Saturday nights at college. I had started the night out having so much fun. As the night went on, my friend and I were hanging around talking to new faces and as she turned to talk to someone else and that’s when it happened.
Before I could even comprehend what exactly happened I felt my skirt drop to my ankles.
Mortified and embarrassed.
My heart sank to my stomach. Laughter filled my ears. Frantically, I grabbed my skirt and pulled it over my hips. I turned around to see a group of guys fixated on me, smirking, much like a pack of wolves admiring its prey.
For weeks I ran through my head what I must have said or done to make one of them touch me without my consent, but nothing. The only thing I could think of was my skirt.
A skirt I once loved to wear is now at the bottom of my dresser untouched, its zipper still broken.
As women, we are told your clothing and how you present yourself can be considered an invitation for sexual harassment, and you have control. That the more you attempt to look beautiful, the more you are asking for it.
No. It is Not My Fault.
As women, we are told to dress more modestly. We are told don’t smile or laugh to the degree that could be taken as flirtation. We are told to never walk home alone. We are told don’t go out to drinks or dinner with a certain classmate or co-worker. We are told don’t meet in rooms with closed doors.
As women, we are told at a young age to protect ourselves and always be alert.
We teach girls to be careful. We teach boys to be aggressive.
It boils down to a lesson girls know only too well: boys will be boys and girls will be victims.
For years, sexual harassment has fueled a major conversation in entertainment, media, and politics. Yet, for most women, the perpetrator is not a political official, supreme court judge, or a valued journalist. For me, it was another college student.
For most women, there will be no press conference if they choose to come forward. For most women, there will be no media to praise them for their courage.
The majority of this battle is waged among the ordinary, the powerless. The Silent Majority.
Nearly two thirds of college students experience sexual harassment, according to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center. About 20%-25% of college women are victims of forced sex during their time in college and I, along with 27% of college women have experienced some form of unwanted sexual contact.
The #MeToo movement encouraged women of all ages and ethnicities to speak out and even press charges if the law allows. But that’s all after the damage has been done. Nothing has been done to prevent the problem.
So far the solutions to this include methods like taking self-defense courses, carrying pepper spray, or using apps that alert friends when one is in danger. But what are we teaching men?
Something far more fundamental has to take place. We must reevaluate the toxic and privileged concept of masculinity. On some levels we must reinterpret the rules of attraction.
What if… Men are required to take sexual assault classes in middle and high school. We must work with men at a young age to teach them that sexual assault is not a rite of passage but rather a ticket to shamefulness and punishment.
What if… Men became aware that they CAN’T get away with it. In order to put an end to sexual assault, men must be well aware of the consequences; such as being expelled, kicked off a team, or out of a club.
What if…Men hear the stories of these women. If only they knew how much it can impact a woman’s life maybe, then they would understand. To them, it is a harmless grab or a drunken mistake, but do they know what it means to her?
What if… instead of that drunk boy pulling my skirt down he just said, “That skirt looks nice on you?”
My skirt wouldn’t be at the bottom of my dresser untouched, its zipper still broken.
Cover: https://cdn.cnn.com/cnnnext/dam/assets/160921175936-sexual-assault-psa-exlarge-169.jpg
Sources: https://www.nsvrc.org/statistics
Images:
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