Chair in St. Ed's Lounge Feels Used After Students Leave Academic Buildings for the Night

St. Ed’s Lounge, SMC—After an abundance of hustle, bustle, and great company throughout the day, the high-top chair nearest the brick wall of St. Ed’s Lounge reported feeling used. “What people don’t get about me is that I’m looking for something serious. I’m not into the whole “hook-up” culture,” said the chair, expressing how dumb it must look when students only use it for a quick study session in between classes. Students only want to secure a seat in the chair on weekdays during the hours of 10:00am and 3:00pm. Even then, it’s more of a hit and run, sources said Thursday. “Rumor has it that students always spend their nights in the library; what do those chairs have that I don’t? Like, check out my figure,” said the chair in a high-pitched voice of disbelief while gesturing to its exquisite curvature proven to be perfect for cupping the behind of a typically stationary student. “I feel bad for the guy,” said a neighboring chair. “He just takes things too seriously and nobody is ever ready for the commitment.” At press time, the high-top chair was busy savoring the sweetness of a cookie crumb that its last visitor had left behind.