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Sex + Relationships

Being Alone on Valentine’s Day….for the 19th Year in a Row

I never had a middle school boyfriend like all my best friends did. Never got a crushed candy cane from a 6th grade boy whose mom bought it for him to give to me. Never had a prepubescent boy tell me he loved me even though he had no idea what that meant. It’s all good though - maybe for the best actually? I’m not a big candy cane girl anyways. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve gone through different phases of craving the feeling of having a significant other, of having someone to shower me with love and adoration on a day when it seems like literally EVERYONE else has someone. Other years, I’ve gone through highs of self love, of enough adoration for myself and even for those around me. This year, I’ve decided that the latter is the way to go. Would it be nice to have someone to want to celebrate me on Valentine’s Day? Omg of course. But I’ve come to terms with the fact that I am no less worth celebrating just because I don’t have someone to fill that specific role in my life. I have wonderful friends (like the best!) who I know have and will always be there for me. I have love for myself and for how far I have come in terms of my own self-confidence and self-forgiveness. And I know now that my self-worth is not determined by anyone but myself, like it has in the past. 


    I plan on spending this Valentine’s Day no differently than any other day. I imagine there will probably be some champagne - I deserve it regardless of my relationship status right? To me, it’s just another day, just with a little more pink and a lot more chocolate. It is less so a day to feel lonely and hostile towards happy couples than a day to acknowledge that there is love in my life regardless of where it comes from or in what form it takes. My momma has always (and better, this year) sent me a valentine - like the ones with High School Musical characters on them. One of my good friends from home who is also away at college said that her mom sent her 14 cards with 14 different reasons why she loves her for every day leading up to Valentine’s Day. And I know my roommate Alexyah well enough to know that the likelihood of her leaving valentines on our suitemates’ doors is very, very high. I always felt a kind of pity for myself in being the kind of person that depended on her friends and family to show her love and support on a day generally meant for romantic affection. But - now that I think about it - it’s cool as shit that you can have relationships that are more than just romantic. Platonic and mutual friendships and relationships are SO important and require care and upkeep just as much as any other. These relationships deserve to be celebrated too. Just because you’re not IN love doesn’t mean you are not loved. Xoxo.


Hi! I'm Abby, an International Relations major with minors in French and Peace and Justice. I am passionate about working on social justice issues in my community so that is my main focus in school. I love to be outside in any ways possible and in my free time, I find most peace in writing, specifically poetry.
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