“If you’re trying to achieve, there will be roadblocks. I’ve had them; everybody has had them. But obstacles don’t have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don’t turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.”
-Michael Jordan
From age five all the way up to age 18, I was involved in some type of sport. A love for the game was instilled in me from the very beginning, and honestly, I do not remember a time in my life before playing sports. For 13 years, I had never known anything different. During these years, everything in my life revolved around the two sports I played: volleyball and softball. When my friends wanted to hang out with me, they would never ask, “Are you busy this weekend?” Instead, they would ask, “Do you have a tournament this weekend?” And I wouldn’t have had it any other way.
However, as I got older, I began taking my sports more seriously, which also came with a much busier schedule because I had to handle both my athletics and my academics. All throughout middle and high school, I played my two sports year-round with little to no breaks in between them. As you might have guessed, this led to feelings of exhaustion and severe burnout; playing sports became more of a chore than a fun activity I could genuinely enjoy. This, coupled with my innate desire for academic validation, proved destructive for my mental wellbeing. Trying to be at the top of my class in both athletics and academics weighed heavy on me to the point where it was becoming hard to breathe. At one point in my life, it was my dream to play a sport in college. However, by the end of my senior year, I was so relieved to finally leave this part of my life behind permanently. I knew that if I wanted to save myself from the harsh grip that sports had on my life, I needed to put myself first and lay the bat and knee pads down for good.
Retiring from sports proved to be simultaneously one of the best and worst things I have ever done for myself. When I first arrived at college, I remember first feeling so relieved that I no longer had to prove myself through my athletic abilities. I finally had the freedom to choose things that I was actually interested in but was never able to participate in due to sports being my first priority. Unfortunately, after only a month into the fall of my freshman year in college, I was abruptly struck with the desire to play sports again. I knew I was going to miss playing sports a little after I quit, but I had no idea it would be this much. Here I was, a new college freshman with endless opportunities at my disposal, yet I could not shake this feeling of yearning that redeveloped inside of me after not playing sports. I began to wonder if I had made a mistake by deciding not to play in college.
A semester-long battle raged inside of me, and I was forced to come to terms with why it would have been an awful idea to stick with something that ended up being detrimental to my mental health. Thankfully, once I sat down and remembered all of the great new things I had going for myself during this new season of my life, I realized that I no longer needed to be validated by what sports I played and if I was any good at them. I could simply exist as this version of myself that I had never met before, and I didn’t want her to leave.
Now that I have had a proper amount of time to fully process my love-hate relationship with being a former athlete, I can’t help but remember all of the valuable things that playing sports taught me that I will keep with me forever. I learned how to be a true team player, not just in sports but in life, as well. My participation in sports taught me skills of leadership, communication and time management that have actually proved extremely useful for me now, even though I didn’t think so at the time. Most importantly, playing sports taught me how to make mistakes in a way that doesn’t leave me with crippling feelings of shame and worthlessness every time I mess up. Instead, I know how to pick myself back up, remind myself that I am human and dust off any negative thoughts I had toward myself. I honestly don’t believe that I would’ve learned how to do that anywhere else. Now I can move on to better things in my future while appreciating the good, the bad and everything in between that playing sports showed me. I may be classified as a former, washed-up athlete, but I am proud of that title. No one can take it away from me, especially not myself, and I wouldn’t change it for the world.