Let’s get one thing straight: learning to love yourself is hard. I don’t often have the capacity to set a self-care schedule or make time for rest. To that end, I am painfully aware of the effects of “love yourself” culture. Trying to do even a little thing for myself every now and then takes a ton of effort, and it’s taken me a long time to figure out how I like to care for myself. For me it is a long shower, maybe it’s doing my nails or perhaps it’s splurging on ingredients for a nice dinner. I’ve learned to love myself with iced chai lattes, midday naps and binging my favorite series. All of these things are nice, and I’ve made strides in terms of really feeling like myself. On the flip side, learning to love myself meant learning to embrace the parts of me I’m hesitant about. I joke about being “cringe” a lot, but sometimes you have to acknowledge your less glamorous characteristics to be the best version of yourself.
An important aspect of accepting yourself, and one easily overlooked, is loving what you do for fun. Hobbies are a great way to spend free time or to give your brain a break, but it’s hard to escape judgment. A lot of people fall victim to the social media pressure of trying to meet whatever obscure “aesthetic” is rolling around, and it’s a total killer to self-esteem. The embarrassment a lot of us experience really isn’t all that deep, though. Personally, I write poetry. I don’t ever think it’s worth publishing, but it’s something I enjoy. I’m no Poet Laureate, but it’s soothing. Sometimes you just have to write things out. As I was writing a new poem the other day, I thought to myself, “Man, this is really kind of cringe.” Why would I say that? I’m just writing! Tons of people do that!
However, this sense of embarrassment is really not a big deal. Writer Jesse Kerema in “Everyone Has Embarrassing Hobbies and I Embrace Mine” touches on this, explaining his own sense of embarrassment at enjoying ASMR (same here, Jesse). Upon letting his interest slip to his brother, he learned that millions of people love ASMR. Everyone loves something, even the most obscure or unusual things to do. Being obsessed with Wordle or “Grey’s Anatomy” is not nearly as cringey as you think. You love it, right? Why be ashamed when thousands of people feel the same?
Last week, I wrote about my affinity for making faces, and you might have realized you relate. That’s another thing I think we need to address. Body language is a huge part of how you express yourself, but sometimes social expectations limit our expression. I know plenty of people on TikTok love throwing around the “mysterious” vibes and “that girl” posts, but let’s be real. You don’t need to have a mystique to be appealing to people. I’ve noticed myself reeling in my gestures around unfamiliar people, and while it seems like a way of making myself appear more chill, I’m not doing myself any favors by not being honest. You don’t need to make yourself more easily digestible for people. I know it feels awkward to really let loose, but you are who you are. Being “weird” or “silly” with someone is an extension of feeling comfortable, even if it seems embarrassing at first.
However, I believe guilty pleasures are the ultimate form of self-expression. How do you like to relax? I take total pride, as a self-proclaimed chick-flick hater, in loving “Legally Blonde” and “27 Dresses.” I have made it abundantly clear to my close friends and family that I hate rom-coms, but any time someone mentions a period drama with a solid romance, I’m sold. “Bridgerton” has me whipped. But that’s cheesy and so girly, right? I don’t care! The idea of being immaculately dressed and dancing with the most disgustingly gorgeous people in the room simply captivates me. I know all of those shows are pretty popular but spilling my guts about loving period romance seems a little, well, embarrassing. In the end, the only one who cares is me. There’s no shame in loving what you love. That favorite show, an extra glass of wine or that sweater you’ve been eyeing are not the end of the world, nor do they dictate your entire personality. You’re a complex person and your guilty pleasures are just one facet of how incredible you are.
All you have to remind yourself of is the fact that someone else out there probably likes the same anime or underground music artist. You’re not the only person who collects LEGO mini figures or crochets little creatures. No one needs to gatekeep or shame. Everyone has a thing, and yours is just as valid. The “weird” and the “cringe” are just extra pieces of you, and trying to hide them is only hiding your true shining personality. Letting every aspect of yourself be center stage can help attract people with similar interests and frankly, you can even bond over the obscure. Be weird, be cringe, be yourself. You’re doing great.