Choosing your path is a challenge. Sometimes there’s no choice, even when you’re a little kid. Everything you do, from coursework to sports to free time, is selected for you. A lot of my friends and classmates throughout high school and college have had this experience. Their parents had high expectations and a legacy to fulfill, and that was the bottom line. On the other hand, I have had a lot of freedom to decide what I want to do with myself. Much of my education and almost all my interests came from free will and my parents’ encouragement. When I wanted to join the school band in sixth grade, I got my mom’s flute. When I wanted to start making jewelry, I was told to go right ahead. When I wanted to go out-of-state for college, we would figure it out. There was never a question of whether or not my parents would support me, but there was also no question that my experience was not universal.
In high school, my closest circle of friends didn’t choose to go to college, but the lack of academic pressure didn’t mean the coast was clear. Most of them still dealt with pressure to get jobs and get out of the house. Some of my other friends had parents on the school board and in successful, lucrative workforces. These were the kids that fought for valedictorian to the point of burnout. Some of them were told to be doctors, some of them engineers, others business majors. They did everything. One of my friends from band quite literally juggled volleyball, basketball, band, honors coursework and a job. My school district was tiny, so everyone felt compelled to grasp at any straw of recognition they could. Unfortunately, since so many people’s parents were involved in the school board and local politics, it was obvious who played favorites and placed even more pressure on their kids to succeed.
College made this even more eye-opening. It would be false to assume that all of my friends and classmates are here because they want to be, despite how harsh that sounds. I know my share of friends that are in programs that interest and motivate them, but I know just as many people that were pressured into their fields. I do understand the motivation behind getting students into high-paying and in-demand fields, but pushing them so far down one path kills what should be excitement. Competition for spots in honor societies and scholarships might look nice on paper, but it can destroy the capacity to enjoy the choices you can make while at school. Some of my friends have commented on feeling like they don’t know how to choose what they want anymore or even what they enjoy outside of the classroom. The pressure to find academic success often takes away other opportunities to find hobbies, form relationships and find what makes the experience worthwhile.
I will be honest with you, though. I have had my share of pressure, too. For as much freedom as I’ve had to decide what I want to do, I’ve still faced the intensity of competitive scholarships and admissions. I was a “high achiever” in high school, and that pressure to keep achieving is something that I still have to deal with. Affording my education was half the battle. Choosing what to do post-grad also came with a host of questions to be answered. But, I’ve found some solidarity in commiserating with my friends in the same boat: juggling coursework, jobs and deciding what we really want. Figuring out what you enjoy and what you feel called to is a long process, and it’s not always easy. In the end, the best thing to do is give yourself time and space to test the waters. I know it sounds daunting to be in charge of your future, but life is what you make it. You got this.