Since I was a little girl, I’ve always had a competitive streak. I’ve always felt the need to do the best in absolutely everything, whether it be in school, sports, or even just daily tasks. I thrived off of people telling me, “Good work, Angelica!” or “You did a great job!”, and I found myself in a consistent cycle of perfection. To this day, I still am extremely competitive. It isn’t a trait I show outwardly, but it’s a big part of who I am. My competitiveness fuels me every day – more that I like to admit. I find myself comparing everything I do to someone else. As a result of this, I also find myself comparing everything I do to someone else. While this isn’t particularly a bad thing, sometimes my competitiveness can put strains on my relationships with others and even myself. I have this strong desire to succeed in everything and to do everything I possibly can, even if that means stretching myself too thin. I felt that I was never particularly good at anything, and that someone else would always be better than me. As this cycle continued, I began to grow more and more exhausted. I would find myself having random crying spells or sudden outbursts. Things that I used to find fun exhausted me, but I didn’t care. When something great would happen to someone else I started to question why nothing great was happening to me. I was doing everything I possibly could to be the best, so why wasn’t I being rewarded? Why wasn’t I happy?
One day, while procrastinating on an assignment for class I stumbled upon a Pinterest quote that read, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” When I read this, I was completely floored. I realized that I was no longer happy with myself because I kept constantly comparing everything I did to other people. My obsession with perfection meant I wasn’t doing things for me, but for validation from other people. Once I realized this I started to turn things around. Here are three steps that I do to stop comparing myself to other people:
1. Realize that just because someone is at a certain point in their life, doesn’t mean that it’ll never happen to you.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing yourself to someone else when something big happens in their life. Whether it’s their new relationship, or they got the job you always wanted, it’s not hard to wonder why that happened to them but not to you. Take a step back and remember that that person is on their own journey. Just because it happened to them at that point, doesn’t mean it won’t happen to you. You’re just not at that point in your life yet.
2. Find a method to help ground you.
When I find myself beginning to slip into my competitive habits, I go back and read a list of things that I am good at. Whether it’s something small like being good at remembering birthdays or being good at writing papers, it’s important to remind yourself that there is always something you’re good at.
3. Remember that comparison really is the thief of joy.
When you begin to compare yourself to other people, it instantly takes the joy out of whatever it is that you’re doing. You’ll never be truly happy with yourself if you keep trying to reach the standards of other people. Just remember that doing your best is what really matters.
Now, every time I feel myself slipping back into my competitive habits, I remember these three steps. For those of you struggling with comparison, hopefully these tips will help you too.